That is how long I have been widowed.

I believe I am making progress in many areas of my life. I am socializing again, back to cooking for one, keeping up with my bills, the house, the pool and the yard. I am living alone, but constantly trying to stay in touch with the world.

I am a survivor.

I look in the mirror when I feel down, and whenever I see something I don’t like? I talk to that sad person staring back at me; “You have survived much worse.” “Get cleaned up and do something- anything will do.” “There’s no time in this life to waste feeling sorry for yourself.”

When I was living a total nightmare during the great recession, I rose up from the ashes and made a new life for myself. I had lost my Mother, I survived extreme financial loss, a terrible divorce at age 50, and walked away from the dream house I built to live in an apartment. My heart was shattered, but I was determined then, and even more so now, to live and love life again.

I joined a private group for widows thinking it might help me, and it has only done one thing for me. It proved to me just how strong I really am! Most of these people live in the past- and not for just a couple of months. Some of these people have not started living after many years of grieving. They are absolutely stuck with both feet in quicksand and haven’t figured out that the more they struggle, the more they sink into grief. It seems as though that is how they identify themselves now- grieving widows. And you know what? That old saying “misery loves company” must have come from a group of people stuck in grief. The only reason I stay in the group is that I try to encourage some of them when appropriate. Otherwise, I’m out.

I don’t know what I have that they don’t, but I’d gladly share it with them if it would help them to heal. If I shared my tip of looking into the mirror and having a heart-to-heart pep talk with myself- would they think I’m crazy? Well if I am, I’m pretty good at it because I am out of the quicksand.

It doesn’t matter how much you loved, honored and cherished your spouse, you only have two choices when they die; join them or continue to live. That may sound harsh, but it’s true. I’m pretty sure the majority is going to choose life over death. However, many seem so stuck into death that they are not truly living at all.

I can’t be a part of that limbo- alive, but not living. I’d almost compare it to being on life support, and that’s just temporary until your body heals and your mind kicks into gear. Sooner than later, you gotta want to live in order to survive. I’m so scared of life support, that I won’t allow myself to get that bad, so I kicked into gear ahead of everyone.

Perhaps my writing will help kick someone else into gear. Read it out loud if you have to because audio people learn better when they hear something. So hear my brief message.

I’ve communicated this before; none of us are getting out of here alive. If you are suffering thru this process, try your best to keep out of the quicksand. Do not sit around talking to your dead spouse all day because they don’t answer. Try talking to yourself instead. Sound a little crazy? Well at least I am capable of answering. (Laughing a bit.) I am also listening because I get myself moving and I am feeling motivated again.

I don’t need to remind you that everyone and every relationship is different, but I just did anyway. 100 days for me is twice the length of time it took for my husband to pass. That means I have not really had a life for 150 days. That’s enough time for me to know that I want to enjoy living again and do something about it.

I used to say “I love my life” once I rose from the ashes at the end of 2010 and started thriving once more.

Step by step, day by day, I am working towards being able to say it again.

This hand written note from my dear friend is a constant reminder of what I’m capable of…