Better known as “Blue Christmas”

I have recently seen on social media or heard in conversations that several people aren’t feeling it this year, or having a hard time getting in the spirit (or mood) for their usually “fun old fashioned Christmas.” I decided to approach this subject in an effort to bring some good cheer to my fellow friends and family on the subject.

WARNING: This is an opinion piece and may contain some of my usual humor served up with a side of sarcasm.

Let’s not beat around the bush. Every single Christmas is different, and let’s face it- some are way better than others. You know what they say about vacations; you can’t appreciate the good times without having any bad times. We’ve all experienced a bad vacation that was supposed to drag our ass up to the summit of our happy place only to fall back down to the reality of life sucking the happy out of ya! The bottom line is this, Christmas will come and go and not all of us will be on the happy train when it blows thru. (Can you hear Chevy Chase’s voice in your head right now?)

Let me dig down a little deeper here by going back to our roots of Christmas. What does Christmas mean to you?

To some, it is the celebration of the birth of Jesus, which brings tidings of great joy to everyone. To others, it may just mean you have to spend a wad of money buying presents for everyone. (You know this is true.) Yet, others are entrenched in the value it brings. Retailers and wholesalers spend big money to make more money off of us every year. I think the majority of us would agree it is a fun time of year with colorful lights and festive gatherings that brings us all a bit more joy and happiness- no matter the reason why. Knowing what it means to you is a good place to start in order to understand why you may feel the way you do.

If you look at it through business eyes, you are not going to feel good if sales are tanking and supply chains fail. If you look at it as a chore to buy presents, host parties, attend family & friend’s gatherings; you are going to feel stressed when things don’t go as planned. If you look at it from the religious side as the birth of Christ, you have nothing to fear because a birthday is a birth date and nothing can change it- not even death. We are a society of wishing dead people a happy birthday in heaven because we never want to let go of them. Memories of the ones we love is what helps us through some of our worst times in life, so do whatever makes you happy.

Here is some reality. There are people that are steeped in family tradition that enriches their holidays when they relive the best ones over and over again. By enacting those heartfelt traditions throughout a lifetime, joy always seems to fill them to the brim during the most festive time of the year. Eventually, those traditions will change, as life inevitably changes when loved ones move out of state, serve in the military, or much worse- people die and permanently leave a void. These realities leave us with a huge gaping hole in our hearts at Christmas because the ones we love are no longer here with us to continue the fun-filled sentimental traditions. Some of these traditions will fade when lives are lost. Those left behind are forced to start new ones or let go of them and Christmas may lose its grip over us to make us feel the “happy” we yearn for every year.

Have you ever noticed what usually makes a scroogie person a scrooge? Why don’t they like Christmas? Why don’t they feel festive or like the celebrations? Perhaps it is because they have never felt the joy or happiness it can bring. It could be because of living a lifetime of loneliness with no one to celebrate with or losing loved ones that started the traditions and now they’re simply lost without them. Some people don’t have any family traditions or have never learned the true meaning of Christmas or believe in Christ. There are too many reasons to list here, but I believe it is okay to be a scrooge. Retailers are making huge profits off of The Grinch merchandise, so there’s that. As long as the Grinches out there are not trying to convert you to grinchism, let them be.

So ask yourself this; what feels off this year? Are you missing someone in your life? Are your finances or job affecting your thoughts and decisions? Is your health failing? Is your relationship over or off kilter? Did your children move away from home? Are you missing your Grandchildren?

You get the idea here. Christmas is coming and maybe you’re not feeling the joy because someone or something is weighing heavily on your mind. Let’s face it. Christmas is not a cure to end all sadness and it’s perfectly okay to feel sad during the holidays. It’s OK to be a Grinch when you feel the urge and you don’t need permission from anyone to do so.

I speak from experience and from the heart. If you’ve followed me for any length of time, you already know this. So let me say this to anyone listening. When someone says they aren’t feeling it this year? Don’t try to make them feel it or play the fixer. You can’t fix the way someone feels. Try listening to them instead. Ask them if they would like to share what’s on their mind or in their heart. If they say they don’t know why they are feeling down? I’m guessing it may be something instinctive or depressing and they may not be able to put it into words or share it.

My friendly Holiday advice would be to listen. Open your hearts, your eyes, and your ears and just listen. Be present if someone is in need of your ears, but don’t try to fix them. Smile or do something kind instead. It is the best medicine for anyone who is struggling through Christmas. These are the people that need our gifts most; a cup of coffee, a gift card, flowers, a small token of appreciation- anything that gives them a little hope that someone gives a damn is what they need. Most of us have all been there at some point in our lives, and no matter what you’ve been raised to believe about Christmas- it truly is about giving of yourself.

Forget about that list that seems to keep growing. Once you hit your sixties, you’re happy to be experiencing another Christmas and you should be celebrating every day your feet hit the floor! Not everyone makes it to 70 or 80, and even if you do, you might not like the condition of your body and health when you get there! So start a new tradition called saying No when you don’t want to do something. You don’t have to explain why if you don’t want to. A simple “No, but thank you” is the only response required.

I have many friends and family members that are cancer survivors, but I also know many snowbirds that didn’t survive to make another trip south. Many of us have lost both of our parents or a spouse, or even a child. We owe no one an explanation for the decisions we make or the feelings we may have. But showing an act of kindness and giving someone a small token of appreciation or a little gift is priceless! A simple pat on the back, or a hug, a phone call, text or hand written note could be the one tiny act of kindness that turns this Christmas into a better holiday for someone in need. Big, costly or fancy is not on this list.

So here’s a tip for you: If you’re on social media like Facebook, spend a couple of minutes “liking” what friends have to say and show you care- if you do. Sometimes we spend a lot of time on unimportant things like reading an entire article that leads to hitting the laughing face or angry face. But seeing one short post from a Facebook friend you care about gets a big fat nothing button. Is it really that easy to make someone feel unnoticed or unimportant? Yes! It is. Making a difference in someone’s life is as simple as hitting a button that shows a thumbs up instead of searching for stupid meaningless crap. We’ll follow a politician or a corporation like Amazon, Walmart, or news stations, but we’ll ignore someone we know that has “liked” your small business every time you’ve asked. Which person are you? The asker (taker) or the one that always hits like and follow (the giver)? Let that sink in for a second.

Show someone you care the next time you hear they are feeling out of it this year. I know people that are my Facebook friends that I hardly ever see in person because I moved away, but these people that I see doing good for others are always present and on my mind. I call them the “Do Gooders” because I know they care. I comment, share or “like” their posts. Then there are those I see doing absolutely nothing but taking up air. As I said before…take the good with the bad, but be the reason someone smiles today.

Make the effort to be a Do Gooder and bring a smile to someone’s face this Holiday. I promise I’m the one that will “like” and “follow” you if you’re that person.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

It’s just the little things