It is hard to believe that I moved from Florida back to Ohio over three years ago and haven’t regretted it for one minute! My husband died in January 2023 and I sold our house, packed up everything I owned, and drove in the pouring rain for two days to my home state of Ohio. I had not closed on my house until weeks after I got there, but I was on a mission. There were plenty of things I enjoyed in Florida, but my income was diminished and traveling to see family would have been minimal. Therefore I never doubted that home is where your heart is and my heart remained with my family.

I was reminded just how wonderful it is to be connected to my family last weekend. My eldest sister’s first grandson got married to his school sweetheart in a suburb of New York and most of our family traveled there to celebrate their marriage.

It was a beautiful outdoor ceremony with a little rain to bless us all and then we went indoors to a beautiful ballroom styled reception with loving and fun toasts, awesome food, and nonstop dancing. For us old folks, I am sure we all had sore feet for a few days but well worth it! I felt like a teenager dancing with my love and watching all my nieces and nephews, the bride and groom and their families having a wonderful time celebrating. We took fun photos, laughed and enjoyed the union of this cute young couple.

I have missed family celebrations in the past because of distance and issues preventing travel, but not this time! I am in love with my fiance, my family and my life! I don’t know how I was ever able to leave in the first place except we sometimes believe we’re missing something. Perhaps a warmer climate in the winter, or a retirement dream we were sold on, or simply giving in to a spouse’s wants or needs. Whatever the reasons were, I am quite happy to be back home where my heart has obviously been leading me back to and not missing anything from my old life in Florida.

Yes, we made friends and yes we traveled to many interesting places, but now it all seems like just a vacation and I have returned to to my roots, the place I was always connected to by family. I can still enjoy my Florida friends on Facebook and messenger or phone calls, but don’t miss my old life there much at all. They are just a distant memory now.

Mike and I are able to deal with five hours and a border because we love planning parties, attending events and get togethers, and we deal with it as best we can because family is so important to both of us.

Congratulations to our sweet newlyweds on their marriage and closing on their first home together and look I forward to visiting on my way to Canada one day in the near future.

Hello readers! Hope everyone is well and living life to their fullest.

It has been a year since I last wrote and I make no apologies, as I have been living in the moment with my best friend and the love of my life- Michael.

We recently celebrated two years since the day we met face-to-face in Hamburg, NY. I vividly remember sharing with you all how we both almost chickened out of making that trip. Two widowed 60 something year olds looking for a compatible relationship with five hours and a border between us! I imagined everything that could go wrong would go wrong during my shower and finally resorted to scolding myself out loud in the mirror. I chalked it up to the temporary insanity of widowhood but managed to get myself out the door.

I wasn’t sure about the journey back then, but oh what a journey it has been! Let me share the highlight reel with you first on what I have learned about widows dating.

If you recall, I specifically was interested in meeting Mike because I figured it would be healing for both of us to be able to share conversations about our late spouses and sometimes the tears. We have a better understanding of what we have both been through and can appreciate the stories. Speaking for myself, it was exactly that and much more.

I have learned that Mike’s late wife will remain in his heart forever, but his heart is big enough for both of us. I am never offended by the fact that he wants to share all his favorite places or activities with me that were once shared by her. I am actually honored that he chose to share such wonderful places and experiences with me.

If you are ever in these same shoes, consider it a privilege that someone wants to share the best parts of their past with you. You are NOT a replacement- you are an addition. There is a huge difference.

The second thing I have learned is that you both have to make a conscious effort never to make comparisons with your late spouses. It is disrespectful (especially if it is something you didn’t like) and definitely uncomfortable. We are really good when it comes to this 99.9 percent of the time, but accidents do happen. Apologize and move on.

Next, I have learned that you will both get to know each other’s late spouses extremely well. That might sound uncomfortable to you, but trust me- it’s not. When you love someone unconditionally, why wouldn’t you want to know about the last person they spent almost every waking moment with? Whether it’s curiosity or just getting to know more about each other, it’s just natural. I have just as much respect for her as I have for Mike at this point and that’s OK.

I will point out one more thing and then move on. It is OK to make jokes or laugh about things once you have grown very comfortable with each other, provided it’s always light hearted and done respectfully. Serious subjects are always treated as such with grief and anything that could come across as disrespect is simply off limits.

So let’s get into the juicy stuff! Mike and I are crazy about each other! We act like two kids at times laughing about things no one else would understand. We walk holding hands like teenagers on their first date. We appreciate the art of conversation sometimes for hours and have popcorn movie nights at home with a good prosecco. Honestly? I never know what silliness might be waiting for me when I walk out of the bathroom door!

I will admit it’s not always perfect at this age. There was the morning I fell down his stairs and nearly broke my ass, but several weeks of physical therapy got my shoulder working good again. There was also the near death flu episode Mike had last Christmas one day before a huge party we planned for months. The party was canceled, but Mike lived to see another Christmas. I also had a meet-n-greet with Covid on our first New Year’s Eve together which resulted in a trip to the hospital with Tachycardia and long covid in my lungs. But hey, we all know what they say. “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. ” We have both been through worse and still not dead yet.

We hate that we have a border between us but we can’t do anything about that. We both drive back and forth as often as our schedules permit. We are engaged but haven’t figured out the specifics of marriage yet, nor the dynamics of Healthcare, retirement income, residency/, proximity to family, citizenship, etc.

We don’t need a piece of paper at our age anyways but we will plan a celebration at some point because why not? Why not celebrate that we found each other and fell in love? After what felt like an ending for both of us, to result in a new beginning is worth celebrating.

Mike has given me a new life, as I have given to him. We enjoy sharing a simple cup of coffee in the morning as much as a wonderful dinner in the evening. We have made many short trips exploring and traveled memorable long trips. I have been to live shows and the theater more in two years than probably my entire life! He introduced me to a new world of sailing and I’ve met several of his reenactment friends. The list of new adventures grows every time I cross the border. Canada is a wonderful country and has so much more beauty for us to explore together. We also enjoy family time here in the US, especially over the holidays.

We have both grown so much in two years navigating uncharted territory every step of the way. We have found humor in the smallest things and really don’t fret much over the bigger things. We know the true meaning of the words “tomorrow isn’t promised” and make the best of every day we share together.

Happy two years to us and may our journey continue…

exactly where I am supposed to be. Is it by accident? Or was I supposed to be here? How many of you have asked the same question? Accident or by design?

I was raised to believe that everything in life happens for a reason even when we can’t figure out the reason. When bad things happened like a divorce, recession or loss of a loved one; I was taught that God doesn’t make these bad things happen- but rather he is there to help you get through it when it does. No matter the reason or what you believe, every decision we make along our journey of life brings us to the place we are right here and now.

The death of two different spouses in two different countries and at different times led me and my fiancé, Mike, exactly to this moment in our lives and it is mind boggling to us at times. The things we have both been through and the likelihood of meeting on a generic Facebook site for 60 and over folks still strikes me as nearly impossible.

I still remember the day we were planning on meeting for lunch. I had a 3 hour drive to a place in New York and he had a border to cross with a two hour drive. I was in the shower arguing with myself that perhaps I’ve completely lost my mind and almost chickened out. After every negative thought I could come up with, I finally said out loud like a whacko doodle, “Oh come on! Stop thinking of every bad thing that could happen Lorraine!” I finally started thinking that maybe- just maybe something positive could come out of it. If nothing else, it was a beautiful sunny day for a drive and I had a hotel room for the evening so I could have a couple glasses of wine at the end of the day without the worry of driving 3 hours home. I started thinking of it as an adventure instead of my final hours of life!

Mike was also a little less than enthused to make the two hour trip to New York. He had already met several local ladies and suffered through huge disappointments. His drive was painful in heavy traffic and considered turning around more than once, but finally texted me to explain he would be later than expected. He had already pictured himself sitting through another simplistic, repetitive and unfulfilling conversation. He figured the drive home would be just another complete failure with a costly price tag attached. As it turns out (now that I know) I was the last straw. He was considering sailing off into the wide blue yonder never to return.

Here we are one year later. Where did the time go and how in the world did we get here? So many conversations, so much laughter and so many plans have been discussed.

We sat on Mike’s sailboat two days ago during sunset sipping prosecco and wondering how in the world did we make it to this point. I was sitting where his late spouse once sat and I never take that lightly. I have learned that Marianne was a very special person and his one and only love. They were young and fell hard for one another. 44 years later, Mike was devastated and alone.

Two years ago, I was packing an entire household by myself in Florida and planning my move back to Ohio so I could be close to my family. Overwhelmed, exhausted and broken. I wasn’t sure where I was going to live but was hopeful to find a place to buy or rent.

It all seems like a dream now. What a journey we have both been on and continue to be. We now sit and talk about growing old together instead of being alone. We look forward to holidays, travel, sailing and all the silliness we share like two teenagers! We have respect for each other’s tragedies and loves. We encourage each other when the going is tough. We hold hands and giggle over anything and nothing.

Most of all, we treasure every moment we have. We know the true meaning of the statement “tomorrow isn’t promised” and live each day fully. I often say to Mike, “If I died tomorrow, know that I loved spending today with you.”

If today was your last day- did you spend it doing something you enjoyed? If you knew it was going to be your last day- did you do something worthy of your last day of life? If you think that is a bit melodramatic, you don’t understand and I can’t explain it. You will truly understand when you watch someone die and learn just how precious every second is.

Everything that has led us to this moment is not fully understood, but so appreciated! We have been given the chance to replace sadness with happiness. We concentrate on the good in life instead of the bad. We respect our pasts but focus on the future. We realize that you can find love again after significant loss.

We don’t often understand how all the unforeseen circumstances in our lives lead us to the place we are now and how every choice we make during these times lead us to where we are in life, but here we are. Right here, right now. That is what we have. Make the best of what you have and don’t be afraid. Face each new day with laughter and have the ice cream or the donut, as I often say.

refers to the tendency to remember the most intense or positive experience at the end of a series of events most vividly, creating the overall impression where the last moment impacts our memory most significantly over all other experiences.

Let’s face it. At age 65, most of our life and experiences are in the rearview mirror. Good or bad, they are behind us and you find yourself wondering what the remainder of your life will be like.

After the death of a spouse and you suddenly find yourself living the unchosen single life, you can’t help but think if you’ve been sentenced to a life of loneliness, sharing your bed with extra pillows or stuffed animals that hit the floor while you toss and turn all night.

You question if you will ever be able to go out and have dinner with a partner across the table sharing conversation and a few laughs ever again. Or will you ever enjoy the company of sharing drinks with another couple?

Moving back home was a life saver for me because my family was all I had. I enjoyed the invitations to go out and have nice dinners and enjoyed the laughter over funny stories and silly sh!t- laughter I desperately needed. I enjoyed reconnecting with childhood friends and someone looking in on me to make sure I was doing ok. These actions from loved ones kept me going. Priceless when a nephew makes time to check on you, or a sister door dashes some homemade soup or a friend checks your car over to save you a bit of money and keep you safe on the road.

Even with all of this, I sat at home alone night after night wondering if this is it-all I will have for the rest of my life. A challenging relationship with my son and the lack of a relationship with my granddaughters made it even more daunting at times.

But I was doing ok. I have a lovely condo and I can afford to survive, and that is better than most who were totally unprepared for the death of a spouse.

Then in an instant, I decided to do the unthinkable. I went on a dating site thinking perhaps I might be one of the lucky ones. Maybe I would find a widower looking for the same companionship we all desire as we age. Someone to share laughter, travels, dinners and even try new things with.

That didn’t last even 3 days.

I then went on a website for 60 and over folks looking for someone to chat with, date or just annoy. Most of them were totally annoying! But then, I found Michael. A widower who was looking for someone to build a new life with after most of his entire life was spent with his lovely wife of 44 years. How on God’s green earth do you find someone that can fill the void of a lifetime?

You take chances. You text. You call and have conversations. You plan to meet for dinner in a public place. And usually that is where it ends. Based on his own experience and stories from so many others, the first or second date is where it comes to a screeching halt.

When you are in your 60’s, you are very set in your ways and no one is going to change you. You also have grown children that can add to the drama. For some reason, adult children seem to know better than you what it is you truly need.

We were indeed two very lucky people. We both love to laugh, we enjoy dining together (at home or out- doesn’t matter), he has introduced me to live theater (and I LOVED it!), traveled to Nova Scotia, PEI and plan to do more. We can have fun doing nothing and everything!

It has been almost nine months since our first chat and we have fallen completely head over heels for each other and accept the good and the bad.

Michael asked me to marry him at Christmas time in the most romantic and traditional way (down on one knee), but we chose not to share it with anyone until after he put a ring on my finger. I chose to inform my immediate family that a ring of commitment was in the works so that they were not caught off guard. Michael proposed a second time as he placed the ring on my finger on February 1st. We went to his Yacht Club for dinner and shared it with the folks there and it was very exciting to see people so happy for Mike after all he has been thru.

I am on cloud nine these days because after the tragic loss of my oldest granddaughter before Christmas, my son and I have grown to be much closer and have reignited our relationship- which truly makes me happy after such a loss. It is a slow go with my youngest granddaughter, but we are also working on it, which is very good!

I am sitting here in disbelief that all this has happened to me, yet so much happiness is in my life. With every loss the birth of a new relationship has resulted. It is what I call proof of the circle of life.

I am thankful for everything good that has happened and that I never gave up on life, as so many people often do. People tend to isolate themselves during deep depression, and not everyone finds themselves capable of finding the laughter again, but Mike and I have accomplished that. Having each other to lean on when sad memories arise gives us both strength and healing.

We don’t know the details of what is to come. A wedding? What house we’ll live in? Canada vs USA? What we do know is how lucky we truly are for another go at this little thing we call love. We both craved to be loved again and to become a “We” instead of “Me”. We have both been granted that wish.

So if you see us out and about and ask us what we will be doing, chances are we won’t know for sure about anything yet. But the one thing we are sure of is how happy we make each other and that is usually written all over our faces! Just ask anyone that sees us out together and all the answers are there. If anyone had asked me a year ago if I would ever be engaged I would have laughed all the way home thinking not a chance!!

I never gave up and never lost hope my entire life even when everything and everyone seemed against me, and here I am telling you this true story. Perhaps the best has been saved for last?

Just do YOU…and see where the next adventure takes you….

since I last wrote in my blog. I have been busy living life and enjoying the holiday season without documentation. I am trying to live more in the moment and spending less time on my phone and social media. It was a wonderful holiday.

I have had an interesting year filled with both good and bad memories.

My first full year living back in my hometown area with family has been a blessing. I enjoy coffee time with my sisters, shopping and numerous dinners. We have family discussions in person rather than on the phone. We help one another out with medical needs, transportation issues and have done some door dashing of our own with home made soups and goodies.

I have also reconnected with my son and granddaughter. After living apart for many years and numerous complications, I now speak with them often. We suffered a tragic loss of my beautiful 20 year old granddaughter under shocking circumstances, but I will not let her death be in vain. It has brought me closer together with my son and youngest granddaughter, as we lean on each other to find strength.

The Canadian man I met on the internet that started out as a friend with a broken heart is now so much more. We gain strength and support from each other daily, even when we’re miles apart and bring healing to each other in many ways. Who said you can’t find love again in your mid sixties? We cherish our time together because we both understand the meaning of “tomorrow isn’t promised” better than most. He has taught me that laughter truly is the best medicine.

There were many presents under my beautiful tree and I hosted Christmas Eve for six of us. It was my mission to recreate a table that my mother and my grandma would have been proud of! My boyfriend brought some wonderful Canadian wines and the fine China his family used for years to accompany our turkey dinner and I loved every single minute of our family celebration. It was rather euphoric for me since I was not part of family Christmases for so many years while traveling to Florida. Those days are behind me now with no regrets.

I wrote a novel, which has been read by three people with good reviews. I wanted to search for a literary agent and publisher last fall upon completion, but life got away from me and it was too late. Now that the holidays are over, it will become a priority. I have a complete proposal, a book cover (with the assistance of a professional) and an Author’s photo for the back of my book.

I am not famous. I am not rich. I don’t personally know an agent or publisher. This all makes getting a book published in today’s world a stretch of the imagination because it is still all about who you know, but this story must be told. If it helps just a few people from making a mistake that could end life as they know it, then it’s a success!

I have not spoken of the book in detail because there is a huge secret that is revealed in it. The plan is to publish a trilogy, and once you read the first book, in the words of Christine Koneval who read it; “I finished the first book “Love Begins with Innocence” and I am really hoping that it gets published so I can read the other two books in the trilogy and find out how it ends. I felt like I needed anti-anxiety medication while reading it because of all that Lauretta’s husband does to her.”

Book one sets up the drama for more shocking details of covert narcissism and the abusive and demeaning treatment Lauretta Santrini endures in book two. I would like to introduce the cover, and many of you might recognize it, as it was taken from an actual photo from 1975 in Mill Creek Park, Youngstown, Ohio.

Perhaps I will share a review in my next blog, but for now, I will continue searching for a way to get published and continue writing book two. I would greatly appreciate any referrals my readers may have in the comment section of my blog for help in publishing.

In the meantime, Happy New Year to everyone and I wish you all a successful 2025!!

brings hope in disguise.

The past ten days for me and my family has brought insurmountable tragedy and pain. We are still agonizing over the loss of our sweet Maddie girl, my beautiful 20 year old Granddaughter- my son’s eldest daughter. Her young sister remains shocked and shaken and probably scarred with some painful memories for a young teenager to carry for life.

I speak often of my family life while I was young and growing into womanhood, especially around the holiday season. It was a time filled with love, laughter, and sometimes hardship, but was nearly perfect in so many ways. With our parents both deceased now, it means more than anything to remain a family of tradition, celebrating life together and giving thanks.

I have explained to my followers how my parents provided festive memories and traditions that four of us siblings have carried on all our lives. We remain close through thick and thin, because in the end, family and a few minutes is all we really have.

Lately I’ve been told that it is rather amazing that with all I have survived over the past 65 years that I remain upbeat, positive and happy. It is true that all of us go through many traumatizing events that may leave scars, some deeper and more profound than others. But with every surviving minute we should be thankful when we wake up and have another go at another day of life. It’s very unfortunate and hard to realize, but many folks don’t have any loving family, traditions or great memories. If you know someone who matches that description, make sure you reach out to them this holiday.

Two of my friends (who happen to be neighbors) have also recently survived the rath of life-changing events. One had a heart attack and one lost her husband. We are here for each other and lend a helping hand when we can. My big sister also had a detached retina and has undergone surgery on her eye. The recovery for this surgery is not pleasant by any stretch of the imagination, but she is a trooper. Our hope is that her vision has been saved and she can lift her head up by Thanksgiving day. One thing we all agree on is that life goes on and we should enjoy every waking minute because one minute later could be too late.

It’s no secret that with our young children and children’s children that they are facing a life that is full of peer pressure. Bullying has become more acceptable and in our face with social media, yet no form of bullying should be tolerated. Drugs are a serious threat in every day life, in the news and affecting more of us in ways we never thought possible. It is increasingly difficult to understand the dark underworld they have created and to prevent our youth from being tempted or sucked into it. No one wants to speak of it for fear that someone will place blame or ridicule them, but I do not fear either. I now have a growing list of young people that have died from drugs or alcohol- most are accidental overdoses. There is no shame and no blame.

As we approach Thanksgiving, please be aware that many of us are sitting down at a table missing loved ones. Whether they died from cancer, in an accident, heart attack, stroke or drugs- they are gone and no one is to blame. No loving parent has ever put the drugs in the hand of a child. The family will suffer endlessly with guilt that shouldn’t be there. Please help them by not blaming anyone. Share with them the good memories of better days. Encourage them to show up at family get-togethers. Love them and cherish that they are still here and YOU can make a difference that could last a lifetime. You might even save a life!

I often speak of hope, but this year it has become a lot more apparent. The reasons are many, but one thing in particular has given me hope for the future. My son is planning to attend our Thanksgiving celebration next week. My youngest granddaughter may also join us for a bit of celebrating. Why is this a big deal you might ask?

During the years I was living in Florida or snow birding (since 2013), I haven’t been part of our family celebrations until last year when I returned to Ohio. But for the first time ever, I might actually see my youngest granddaughter at our celebration- which is hope in disguise. It might just be the beginning of something new and exciting, both for her and for me. It also made me so happy to see my son laughing with his cousins, reminiscing and texting with us.

The other happy note that I can share is that the Canadian man I met and have been seeing for almost 6 months will get to join my family in all its noisiness and craziness for the first holiday ever. If he can survive that, there is hope for us! (Giggling outloud!!)

Although the border presents its challenges, it has not stopped the love and infectious laughter we share together. Perhaps it’s all in a name. We have several Michaels and that should be interesting when we’re all together, but I absolutely love each and all of them!

So my hope for all of you is that out of tragedy, hope still exists and will reach deep into your hearts this holiday season if you too are missing someone terribly. For each of us that has survived, celebrate regardless of loss. Please remember my words… family and a few minutes is all we really have. Make every minute count…

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

is upon us and I have already gained weight!

Why, you ask? Because Canadian Thanksgiving has already come and gone on October 14th. I hosted my boyfriend and two of his Canadian friends at my house for a traditional feast on the 13th. Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy and corn. Don’t forget; pie, pie and more pie with ice cream and then traditional eggnog with plenty of brandy to top it all off! How many calories are in eggnog? Does anyone even know or care???

This gathering was special in several ways. First off, it was the first one for Mike without his late spouse and the main reason I invited him here so he wouldn’t be alone. Second, how many people have had to shop for all your Thanksgiving treats way before the American feast happens in November? I am guessing not many, so let me share the experience.

We went to the main grocery store (Giant Eagle) and the nice lady behind the meat counter looked at me kind of funny when I asked, “Do you have any fresh or frozen turkeys?” Her reply was, “I’m going to have to ask my manager in the back as to when we can expect a delivery.” We both stood there patiently and waited to hopefully hear the answer we wanted.

The answer was “Sometime later in October.” Not going to help us. I was thinking we were going to have to buy a large chicken or two and stuff it, but just then, the manager came out and walked us over to a case with 6 large frozen turkeys in the bottom of it. I was thinking to myself, I wonder if they’ve been in there frozen since last year? Laughing a little, but not funny.

We looked at each other and both thought “Oh well. What the hell.” Mike picked the smallest one at just under 20lbs and hoisted that sucker in the cart. He always says, “Go big or go home!” so there you have it.

Next was the dried bread cubes I always use by Pepperidge Farms to make my stuffing (dressing, for all you non Italians). Could not find any in the usual place by bread crumbs and bread, so I asked an associate near by, “Do you have any Pepperidge Farm bread cubes?”

She gave me a blank stair and replied, “We don’t usually get our supply in until later in October.”

Oh boy. Another strike out, but I turned to Mike and said, “there is always the old fashioned way- buy bread and tear it up into pieces myself and let it dry out for a couple of days.” We decided to try out Walmart before I went that route, and besides, we needed a roaster pan because Mike had forgotten to bring his from home.

We decided to bring the big bird home to my freezer, which had to be rearranged to accommodate his size and then off we went to Walmart. They did not have the bagged bread cubes I needed, but the girl walked us over to the fresh bread area and they had large bags of plain dried bread cubes, which was fantastic to me at that moment. I won’t have to rip up a bunch of bread now, so I’m a happy camper.

Now for the roaster pan. Lord knows, they only sell a pan big enough to accommodate about a 14lb turkey, so bam! Now what? I’ve never been a fan of baking in tin foil pans covered with more foil, but we might not have a choice.

A funny thing happened on the way to the produce section. We walk past a freezer half full of Butterball frozen turkeys and they were all smaller than the beastly bird we had already purchased. I thought Great! I can check with my sister and see if she wants the big bird and we can buy the roaster pan and a 14 pounder. We also saw that they had large electric roaster pans that would cook a big boy up to 25lbs. I had never used an electric roaster, but both my sisters have, so that was also an option. We went home and that evening, I donated the big bird to the American tradition in November for Thanksgiving #2.

The next day we went to Walmart to buy the smaller bird and roaster pan. We looked at each other and said, “Why don’t we just buy the electric roaster and keep the bird we already have?” It would be cheaper to do so and I would have an electric roaster that could be utilized in the future for larger meals. It just sounded like the better plan and we could only hope the big bird tastes good when all is said and done.

So Indian givers that we are now, we claimed back possession of our big bird and brought home a new electric roaster. Now we’re off to purchase pies at Whitehouse Fruit Farm. We couldn’t decide what everyone would want, so we bought 4 different kinds, to which my hips and thighs will feel 0% sorry for my fat ass later in the Holiday season.

One last trip to Walmart (Mike’s least favorite store in the world and this was the 3rd trip now…) and Thanksgiving grocery shopping was complete. All I have to do now is prepare everything for 4 people and figure out what to do with enough left overs to feed a small army. I had invited anyone in my family that wanted to join, but it wasn’t a good weekend for them with other events going on.

Canadian Thanksgiving was a success and our guests were pleased with my selection of bourbons and various other adult cocktails and foods. We made sure we squeezed in everything we could, including a second dinner a day later of leftovers prepared by my house guest, Lori.

The bottom line is this: Mike and I were given two choices when our spouses died. One- you slowly die with them. Two- you live again without them. It is never an easy task for someone who has lived four decades with a spouse to go thru all the firsts alone. I have been married over 4 decades also, just not to the same man, but neither one of us thought we would be living the unchosen single life in our sixties. I have now lived through all the second year of activities without a spouse, with this coming Thanksgiving being the landmark event just before my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Mike will be coming to America so that he can see what getting together with a big family is like and is really looking forward to it. However, it is also the landmark event marking one year that his wife passed on November 29th.

It’s a funny thing to pass all the one year anniversaries only to find you start it all over again in year two. Some say it is far worse the second time around. I don’t agree with that assumption, but then again- all of it is just based on someone’s opinion because life is what WE ourselves make it. If you think it will be worse, it usually is because of your mind set. I chose to write a book, moved home closer to family and put myself out into the world to find love again. Guess what? If you want something bad enough, YOU have to focus on working to get what you want.

Mike and I are both clearly examples of that. We were both tired of being alone every night, especially at dinner time. We met on a 60 and over website and did our cautious exploration of each other. We both took a chance driving to meet each other like two strangers in the night. I took an even bigger risk going to see where he lived in another country, and then decided to let him visit my home. We have both crossed borders and driven extra miles to see each other and we were sure that if nothing else, who wouldn’t want another friend in this world that understands what you’re going through?

But in the end, we got so much more. Cautious and all, we both found more than we bargained for. It may be complicated, but it’s comfortable. It may be too soon, but no time to waste at 65 and over. We both know how true the saying is that tomorrow isn’t promised, yet how many people waste time? Far too many!

We are going into our first holiday season together, and no matter how difficult it may be at times, we are both looking forward to the unknown. We will be crossing the border quite a bit in the next several weeks and creating some new traditions of our own.

One thing is for sure. Both of us got more than a friendship back in the beginning of June when we met. We are best friends now with hopes and dreams of something far better than grief and despair. We both look forward to a new beginning full of laughter and new memories, and in doing so, makes the past just a little bit easier to reflect upon.

In honor of new adventures and subtle beginnings, I want to wish all my readers a happy holiday season, as today is November 1st, the month that we all look forward to sharing time with family and friends. Let your past always be a part of who you are but look forward and open your heart to new and wonderful beginnings! Choose life and love over all other things because in the end, it is all that matters…

mean different things to different people. I find myself living several scenarios of what feels like a second chance, only it didn’t come after a failure or the need to redeem myself, but rather starting a fresh new life and I keep trying and learning new things.

I believe that a second chance means I get to pursue my dreams after experiencing some major setbacks in my life, however, I am unsure of what my dreams truly are. Let me attempt to explain.

Recently, my boyfriend of over 3 months asked me if I would go with him down east of Canada to visit some family and to see areas of the East Atlantic Coastline that I’ve never seen before. Timing is everything when visiting this area if you don’t want to experience heavy snowfalls and icy conditions. So of course I couldn’t wait till we got to know each other a little better or it would have been next summer! He was planning to go with or without me so my answer was “yes, I would love to go with you.”

We engaged in many conversations and during one of them Mike said to me, “What are your dreams Lorraine? What would you like to do before you die?” This was a holy crap moment for me because I have not stopped to think of what I might want to do for the rest of my life except to be healthy and stay alive! I did not have an answer. I still don’t, but I am thinking more about it every day.

The simple answer is to seek joy in every day in every way I can before I depart this earth, but what exactly does that mean? Being able to pay my bills and keep the roof over my head is an accomplishment since losing half my income when my husband died. But is that all there’s left for me? Tagging along shopping and eating out with family brings me joy, but being on a tight budget means doing it less than I’d like. I’m grateful every time I can go, yet again, that doesn’t answer what my dreams are.

So the question remained unanswered, but we both packed and prepared for a trip to the maritime coast as far east as Mike’s truck would get us.

We started up the the US coast into Maine and continued the next day to Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada. Mike showed me around the downtown area and we ended with a wonderful coastal dinner. In the morning, we had the most awesome breakfast at Cora’s before heading to Halifax, Nova Scotia. I highly recommend it if you find yourself there some day.

While staying in Halifax, we visited two beautiful Yacht clubs and walked around the Waterfront in the downtown area and I was introduced to the best ice cream anywhere- Cows. Mike treated me to the best restaurants, breweries and wineries during our entire trip, so why not squeeze in a waterfront dining experience in the historic town of Lunenburg. It was a magical little seaside town with jellybean colored houses and buildings. We ended that day driving after dark when we arrived in Baddeck, Nova Scotia and stayed at Auberge Gisele’s Inn.

When we approached the entrance, I could see by the way the treelined road was lit up by lampposts and a massive amount of flowers hanging everywhere with a lighted fountain focal point, that this would be a place to remember! I said, “OMG, is this where we’re staying?” Mike thought at first it was not a delighted statement, but maybe one of disappointment and asked, “Why? Is there something wrong?” I laughed nervously and said, “No! My God, it’s beautiful!” He started laughing with relief and said. “Wait till you see it all in the daylight tomorrow. I can’t wait to take you down to the Wharf!”

The room was marvelous with a fireplace and older period furniture and a comfortable queen sized bed right in front of the thermostatically controlled fireplace. It was romantic and I was there with a true gentleman.

While in Baddeck, we drove quite a bit of the Cabot Trail, one of the most scenic drives in Canada offering unrivaled views along the coast of Cape Breton. We visited Gaelic College and I fell in love with Cape Breton during several days of driving the coast. If that wasn’t enough, we traveled to Inverness and then Cheticamp, which had spectacular views!

One of the highlights of the trip was driving the Confederation Bridge to Prince Edward Island (PEI). Very high (197 feet to 394 feet) and only one lane in each direction with jersey barriers being the only obstacle between you and the edge. Even the most experienced travelers think twice as they approach the steep ramp leading you onto the bridge.

PEI did not disappoint! Charlottetown shopping, Cavendish beach, Rossignol Estate Winery on the ocean, Cows creamery, Anne of Green Gables Chocolate factory and Lobster on the Wharf dining right over the water! We stayed in a cottage within walking distance of the beach and had all the comforts of home.

This vacation was like a dream and I asked that no one pinch me or wake me up every single day! I am blessed beyond my wildest imagination to have been able to see so many beautiful places all in the span of two weeks. A whirlwind of sightseeing and all done with a wonderful and generous man that has become my best friend and so much more on so many levels.

How does this even happen? Two people meet online, drive to an unknown destination to have dinner and end up traveling together 90 days later? Chances were taken by two lonely widows and a friendship has blossomed of trust and mutual respect. I can’t even explain how lucky we are in our sixties to have met and become so important to each other in a short period of time, and trust me when I say, not everyone in my family is thrilled about it. He is Canadian and still works and I will not be changing my US citizenship, so it’s complicated with a border between us. But love knows no boundaries and a friendship has blossomed that will not be ignored. Like it or not, it is what it is and I like it!

So, the question still remains what do I dream of for my life?

I am working on trying to publish my book and have some great reviews, so that’s a good start. I have a wonderful new relationship that blindsided me but he is delightful. We talk about what the future may look like for a Canadian and an American woman (pun intended) and have no answers yet, but enjoying the journey we are on.

Perhaps for now, my dream is to continue to find joy in everything I do and not focus on the big picture. For now, I have a renewed friendship with my childhood boyfriend who looks in on me and has given me strength when I didn’t have much left. He remains a family friend and will forever be my first, best and always friend. Mike was totally unexpected and has become such a pleasant surprise in my life that I know we will find a way to continue our relationship regardless of our geography issues.

We have both been given a second chance to have happiness after the death of our spouses. Although we don’t have all the answers, we do have each other to lean on, talk to, support and give strength to. It feels really good and no one really has to understand it, just accept it for what it is. Two people trying to enjoy life and feeling love again. It is simply a wonderful thing.

Don’t ever turn your back on a second chance because the best part of your life may be yet to come. Perhaps that is the dream I dream of…

such as a beautiful picture in your mind, or a funny experience. You know what I’m talking about. The kind of experience you tell people “you had to be there.”

Well I would love to try to explain something that is truly unimaginable.

Ninety days ago, I met a wonderful man on a website for people 60 years and over. He is a widower and everyone who knows me knows that I’m a widow. (I hate that word, but that’s what it is.) We texted a lot and began talking and Facetiming. After spending approximately 18 days (or 18 dates) together, I agreed to accompany Mike to Nova Scotia, Cape Breton and PEI (Prince Edward Island). I am sitting on the Island as I write and Mike is conducting a water conservation training class via computer.

Mike drove to my house in Ohio a week ago from Canada (Yes, he is a Canadian- in case you haven’t been following.) I was attracted to him because of the profile picture of him and his wife Marianne. They were married for over 4 decades and he had his hand gently placed on her arm in the photo as if he were lightly caressing her with his fingers. It was obvious in the photo how much he loved her. She passed away almost 10 months ago and the pain Mike went through after her passing was immeasurable. We have shared many stories while together of our previous lives with our spouses (both very different), which can be very comforting.

We never knew anything about each other previous to meeting online and were an unlikely pair with 5 hours and a border between us. He lives a stone’s throw from the city and I’m in the country. He is a sailor and I was a power boat girl in my younger days. He is very kind and considerate- one of the things I admire most.

I’ve learned that his wife was the same height as I am with similar hair color. I have learned now from Mike that when his best friend Lori met me, there was an immediate first impression of me that reminded her of Marianne’s friendly and outgoing personality. She actually made the statement that she felt Marianne had sent me to Mike because he’s the kind of guy that needs a woman in his life and he wasn’t doing so good finding one on his own! Some might say that he sucked at being alone and the previous dates he had been on were like “dating for fourteen year olds.” So we have a few standing jokes now about a few of his choices- one being that he took out a few “zoo tramps.” Also, two of them in particular felt very uncomfortable walking into his house (which had been shared with Marianne for 35 years) and couldn’t get out fast enough! For the record, I never felt that way. In fact, it felt welcoming and I was comfortable with Marianne’s ashes being on a table (until he gets her home to the Netherlands).

Here’s where it gets weird- really weird, but beautiful at the same time.

We were supposed to depart for Nova Scotia on a Friday morning when I realized I shmucked up with getting one of my prescription drugs filled early and I would be running out of pills during our trip. I couldn’t use the automated system because it was too soon for the refill, so we were going to be leaving much later than we wanted. So guess what we did? We decided to postpone for one day and leave early the following morning. No problem since we had no reservations.

I took some salmon out of the freezer and we had a wonderful day and planned a nice dinner that evening.

Mike cooked with my help, and while we were eating, he got a little emotional talking about the last time he had been to some of the same places with Marianne that we were planning to see.

All of the sudden, I felt a rush of warmth come over me and my body was filled with emotions and I couldn’t understand it. I looked at Mike and it felt like I loved him my entire life. I began to cry and I spoke to him compassionately. He could sense something was very different with me.

I reached out and hugged him long and tight and I have never felt anything like this EVER! I broke away from his embrace and words just flew out of my mouth!

“This isn’t me hugging you! It’s not my words! I believe Marianne is speaking through me! My God! Your wife is saying goodbye to you! This is her hugging you goodbye! She wants to tell you to go on this trip and not feel guilty anymore about having fun! Live your life and know that she is okay and will always love you. She can move on now knowing that you are okay!

My God, the three of us stood there and two of us cried our eyes out! One of us moved on in spirit. I have no doubt that Marianne loved Mike so much that she used my physical existence to say goodbye to the love of her life- her husband of 44 years. It was so surreal that you really had to be there to understand it and to see the love between them. It was clear she was nudging him to get moving forward as he had been struggling so hard to do and felt guilty whenever he tried. There were times that he had cried most of his days away.

For anyone that thinks I’ve lost my mind, trust me when I say, I thought hard about ever telling anyone what happened that night. It’s nuts! But it’s all true. Believe it or not, too many things flowed easily from my mouth and emotions that I had no control of flowed from my heart.

We were not supposed to leave that day. We were supposed to have that dinner and that time together so they could say goodbye. Mike still speaks to his wife in private moments every day. He swears there have been many signs that she is still here with him. I felt her presence in their home. I never felt intimidated by it or uncomfortable. It was actually quite the opposite. Mike handed me a hat that she had knitted and I felt a warmth run through me, almost as if we had just met each other and she approved of me. There are several people that feel strongly that not only would she approve, but perhaps she had something to do with us meeting each other.

We have since read that if you invite the spirit of someone who’s passed into your existence, they are able to enter your world. If there is any truth in this, I invited Marianne into my world when I was in her home. I literally asked her at one point what she would want me to do to help Mike out, as it was clear looking around their home that he needed help. It was dusty and the kitchen was in disarray. Generally unkept, as in NO woman helping to care for the place in quite some time. I asked out loud when I was alone upstairs, “My God Marianne, what should I do? What can I do to help him? Tell me what I should do.”

Well, ask and you shall receive. I got way more than I bargained for, but I am not going to question it any more. It happened and my readers know I tell the truth- always. I am now connected in a strange, yet beautiful way to Mike and Marianne. He has taken me to many of the beautiful places that they have both seen and he feels some peace in sharing it with me. He is experiencing some happiness now in moving forward with his life regardless of what that even means yet. He still misses her terribly, but feels better knowing she wants him to be happy and move forward after being stuck since her death. This, I believe, may have helped her spirit to move on.

My next blog will be about this once in a lifetime trip we have traveled together laughing, some crying, but most definitely moving forward for both of us in many wonderful ways. I have traveled all over the US (48 states) and now in the maritime winds of the Eastern Atlantic coastlines at a fabulous 80 degrees! Mike and I have bonded and share a wonderful friendship. We are both stronger and happier than the day we first met and are grateful that we both took the chance one day to cross our borders to meet for the first time. The border can present geography issues, but a friendship knows no border.

My Grandmother used to always say, “When you get to be my age you’ll be able to count your true friends on one hand.” This becomes more true every day that you live your lives. We are both more fortunate today than we were on June 1st because we have added a permanent friend on that hand. It doesn’t matter where it goes from here, a true friendship is priceless and the foundation for anything else to happen between two people.

AS for the spiritual people who may have read this and question a loved one’s spirit reaching out to you? I will no longer question what happened to me and I suggest you do the same. Let your heart feel what it feels and keep it to yourself or share it- whatever feels right for you. I feel better sharing it because I write about the truth. Sarcastically speaking; I don’t care what anyone else thinks, Mike and I know the truth. There are just way too many things that I knew that he never shared with me (like what Marianne thought about one of the Yacht clubs versus another and what her favorite Cows ice cream flavor was!)

The rest is all just small potatoes…

P.s. The very first message that Mike sent me on the website is gone. Neither one of us can find it. It was the message that made me chuckle out loud about him referring to feeling a bit like Pinocchio. He responded to a post I made about looking for a man with a full head of hair but not a face full of hair and lives in the US. Living in Canada, and hair thinning, he was partially wrong in his response, but was compelled to reach out.

Message DOES NOT EXIST, but yet he acknowledges saying it and I definitely saw it.

Does make one wonder…

did I think I would meet someone online, let alone date him. It’s both one of the strangest and most adventurous things I have ever done!

For those of you that followed my story about dating sites, you know I got off of it in less than 3 days. It was ridiculousness on steroids! However, I did join an online group called 60+ Men and Women Still Searching. It is just a forum for older folks to meet, chat and all for free on Facebook.

For those of you who have never been in one of these groups, I can tell you honestly that there are hundreds, if not thousands of scammers with fake profiles (meaning, they stole some innocent and beautiful person’s photos and use them to bait you for attention) and try to get money, sex or both from you. They prey on lonely older people daily and you have to know how to spot them immediately. Once you figure it out, you say adios amigo, block and delete.

The administrators of these groups are volunteers and simply can’t stop every scammer because they are very sneaky and persistent. They can drain your time and energy, as I have been an administrator before. So if you are ever interested in joining such a group, just be aware that probably 1-2% of the people you might chat with are legitimately good people. Many others are there just to poke fun of folks, criticize or start arguments (thus the reason so many are divorced) and just take up your time and energy.

For me, I have plenty of time to play and did a lot of so called, “shopping.” I posted pics and funny posts often, which earns you a lot of attention- mostly from the scammers, but I would comb through the comments and blocked and deleted many guys (majority from Nigeria). Every now and then, I would receive legitimate comments only to find out that most of the men were far away and out of state. But it’s a game, and sometimes fun, and sometimes NOT! I spent many evenings alone combing through comments hoping that sooner or later I would snag a good guy’s eye.

And one day early in June, I did. I posted, “Is there any guy here- 60’s, has hair on his head but not totally covering his face and lives in the US?” I received 82 comments and some people thought it was rude, but I was just stating what I was looking for. One of the reactions I received was from a widower (married 44 years and lost his wife in November 2023). He sent me a private message stating that he did indeed have some hair on his head and clean shaven, however he felt a bit like Pinocchio responding because he lived in another Country (across the border into Canada) and didn’t have a full head of hair.

I never saw his response because it went into a “spam” folder of messenger because it was not from someone I knew (or might know). It sat there for probably a week or more before I figured out I had a shit ton of messages in my spam folder! Probably over 50 at the time and I spent an hour going through them and blocking/deleting most all of them.

At the very bottom of the list (oldest message) was from the widower named Mike and referring to himself as Pinocchio. I laughed out loud when I read his response and thought to myself, he’s honest and funny and a widower is a plus (no bitter ex-wife). He is the only guy I felt was worth a response, so I started digging into his profile.

Here is a quick lesson for anyone that doesn’t know what to look for when trying to identify a scammer from a real honest-to-God profile:

Click on “View profile.” See details like where they live or where they’re from. See “About Info.” Check relationship status if visible. Look who they’re following, what they like and how many friends they have.

Rule of thumb, especially if they have tight security settings:

No profile picture of themselves= NO. Less than 50 friends= NO. On Facebook less than a year= NO. Posts of numerous women showing the “girls” (cleavage galore!!)= BIG NO! No comments on their posts except from scammers asking to be friends or send private messages or asking for WhatsApp number= BIG FAT NO!! ANYONE that asks for money or private information is a NO NO and NO!

Mike’s profile revealed he was a man mourning the loss of his wife, loves sailing and re-enactments on the battlefield, went to college, retired from a good city job and has over 360 friends. He had a friendly smile and a lot of friends comment on his posts. I saw nothing that looked suspicious so I decided I would respond to his message. I explained that his message went to spam and asked him to tell me a little bit about himself.

Let the texting begin! This went on almost every evening, but the biggest problem we have is a 5 hour distance with a border between us. Yes! I was communicating with a “Canuck,” a nickname for Canadians.

After several weeks of texting, we decided it was time to speak on the phone. I was nervous and reluctant, but I was curious about what his voice would sound like after all the communication we had through texting. It turned out to be a wonderful conversation and I was scared for nothing. We did a lot of laughing and we planned to personally meet in the near future at a location between the two of us- Hamburg, NY.

I had a lot of concerns about meeting a total stranger in a place I had never been before, but I had several safety nets in place and it would be in public. I am on Life360 with a family friend, my big sister had my itinerary, I know a Federal Marshall, and I was trained in safety with my past career traveling the US. I made sure he knew how many people were vested in my location.

It was an exciting drive and a beautiful day, I might add. I was feeling a bit nervous, but my gut re-assured me that I was not in danger. It was actually quite exciting.

He was late arriving due to traffic on the QEW (Queen Elizabeth Way) and getting thru the border, but it was a comfortable meet and greet in the hotel lobby. We sat there for over an hour getting to know each other before we ventured a couple of miles down the road to a restaurant we had agreed to eat dinner at.

My sister was waiting for my check-in at the restaurant and he was aware of it, so I did agree to go in his vehicle. All was well, but I wouldn’t recommend doing that unless you have the safety nets that I had in place.

We sat at the bar and had a few beers (wine for me) and then enjoyed a lovely dinner in the dining area over great conversation. The end result of this adventure is that we both enjoyed each other’s company and felt comfortable with meeting each other. I assured him he would not receive any requests for money from me and he assured me he would not request any nude photos from me. LOL! (It’s a joke because everyone on the site is looking to get something from you!!) But NOT joking…

Enjoying meeting each other presented a new problem for us. The geography of our situation is not the greatest, but we were extremely lucky and hit it off, so now we would have to deal with it in the future.

After many more conversations on the phone, I made the decision that I would go to his house instead of giving out my address just yet. I know this idea was a bit crazy (at least my big sister thought so) but I figured my location was on GPS, I could drive home or to a hotel if I was uncomfortable at his townhouse, etc. But you have to admit…CRAZY idea, right?

Well, I did it and I have no regrets. Mike was a complete gentleman. He gave up his bedroom for me to stay in because it had an adjoining door to the bathroom facility. He had put fresh sheets on the bed and clean towels galore. BUT….I didn’t know that his townhouse only had ONE bathroom, which meant we would be sharing it! OMG! I am going to share a bathroom with basically a stranger??

I still laugh out loud when I recall some of the jokes we make now, but it was rather strange in the beginning, I assure you. Think about the reality folks. We are 65 and 68. We all know that our sh!t does stink, but a courtesy flush and some room spray and all is well. LOL!!!

Once I got over this awkward moment of reality, life was just fine during my stay at Mike’s house. In fact, it turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. We shared delicious fresh ground coffee every morning, went on adventures every day, shared dinners and wine (of which several were prepared by Mike!), and sat on his sailboat at his Yacht Club several nights drinking fine rum or ice wine liquors. I met his best friend and many other acquaintances and neighbors. (What better way to learn more about someone you just met?) I saw a live performance of Romeo & Juliet, shopped in quaint and charming towns and ate ice cream and chocolates without caring about the calories- until I returned home of course!!

Now it was Mike’s turn to come to America and visit my neck of the woods. I gave out my address now that I had survived the trip to Canada and lived in his private space for a week. The joke in my family was that they didn’t have to ship me home in a bodybag. Yes, we sometimes have a sick sense of humor.

He cooked for me in my kitchen and I returned the favor, but we also ate out at some of my favorite spots and he even got to meet some of my family. It was over a week we spent together here, which now totalled many dates between Canada and America.

We are now officially a “couple” dating in our 60’s enjoying life after the death of our spouses. We are sharing personal stories and some tragedies, and loving this new chapter of our lives filled with adventure and possibilities. We have planned a trip to Nova Scotia, Halifax and PEI (Prince Edward Island)- all places I have never been to and looking forward to meeting some of his family there. It will be exciting and new and time spent learning more about each other.

I do have to say, not everyone in my world is happy about our meeting. My best friend (of male gender) is very happy for us and will continue to be a friend to both of us, as we have already Facetimed together over cocktails. Family members are fraught with ideas of me changing my citizenship to Canada or moving far away.

I have no idea how we will deal with the distance and the border in the future, but for now, I am enjoying a wonderful friendship with a thoughtful caring man who can cook and do laundry (Bonus! He’s not looking for a Mom!). It is a new relationship with many questions going forward, but we are trying to live in the wonderful present moments without pressure of future decisions. I have no intensions of changing my citizenship, nor does he.

I do have intentions of joining him sailing. I enjoy the waterside life at his Yacht Club. I enjoy going to the theater with him (as he studied Shakespeare and many others). I love his humor and we laugh all the time.

My fears of meeting someone “crazy” are half true, but he is the good kind of crazy that will keep me laughing as long as we are together. He might not make everyone in my circle happy, but as long as he makes me happy, that is all that matters for now.

We are just two people that happened to find each other in the most unlikely way that love sharing time together. I can’t think of anything more enjoyable after what the two of us have both been through. They say time heals, but time spent with someone else that brings joy to your heart is priceless…