This post is dedicated to all those people out there that have tried to find their next chapter after becoming a widow.

It has been over a year and 4 months since I became a single woman unexpectedly after my husband died of cancer. Since that time, my life has been consumed with decisions, but no matter how busy I keep myself, sometimes loneliness seeps into my existence.

Some people may say that widowhood is no different than a divorce, but there is no comparison between losing a partner in a separation and your spouse dying. As many of my followers know, I have been thru a divorce (and more than once, I might add), so I know what both life events feel like. In the crappiest of marriages, where you may only be roommates living under the same roof, at least there is someone else in the house to share a meal with, watch TV with or say goodnight to. Let’s face it, you get a little spoiled with someone taking care of the car or getting the oil changed or preparing a meal even when you are not getting along. If all you do is nag each other half to death, at least there is someone to talk to.

Divorce is usually well planned and thought out before a person actually approaches their spouse with the speech they’ve rehearsed in their mind more than once. Most of the time, the partner on the receiving end of this speech is not shocked and had a pretty good idea that it was coming. One would have to be deaf, dumb and blind (or just greedy for a paycheck!) not to know your marriage is in trouble. Sometimes, you might even go to counseling together or try living apart before you actually go thru the process of a dissolution or divorce. It’s never pretty and it has life-changing results that may take you years to accept or get over. It might leave you financially devastated, or you may be the one to come out smelling like a rose. (I never did, to say the least), and it is a painful lesson in life.

On the other hand, death is traumatizing in a much different way. Sometimes you get a warning it is coming, and sometimes you don’t. In one instance, you become a caretaker and you never know for how long you will have to watch your person die. It is slow and excruciating pain to watch your spouse go thru this and your own health deteriorates during the process. The unexpected death hits you like a bomb went off and the shock is never forgotten. Death is final and you are thrown instantly into the world of fighting for what is yours.

I still have not received my income tax refund from 2022, I never received the refund from Ocala Electric Co. in Florida, and they almost cancelled my home insurance because they had an invalid Florida driver’s license on file. (I had already submitted my Ohio license for my car insurance and it’s bundled together with an umbrella policy.) These are just a few examples, but on the grief site, people go thru so much more!

Long story short, I looked at a dating site, which then sent a flurry of ads for every dating site known to man to my phone- all day, every day! So I was playing a word game and an ad for Widowed Dating came up and curiosity got the cat!

I thought this would be the best site for my personal situation, since everyone on there has lost a spouse due to death and not divorce. I figured it would be less predatory.

Now, if you have never been on a dating site, I would love to share my experience. Keep in mind, I am in my mid sixties and the site advertises specifically for widows and widowers 50 and over.

The first thing I noticed is you can look for people in your area for free. I thought, “OK”. Searching for other singles in my area might be fun.

The minute you click on the link, you are required to put in some info to show you are a widow and over 50. I did not feel comfortable putting in my actual birth date and location, so the first thing I realized is you can lie! I put in the right year I was born, but a different month/day. I also did not put my zip code in, but rather the city closest to mine. No problem!

I was now on the site, and before you can search for anyone, they invite you to fill out a profile and you don’t have a choice. They ask if you’re male or female and are you looking for a male or female. Then they drill down to find out your body type (build, hair color, eye color, length of hair, ethnicity, etc). After you tell them all about you, then they ask what type of person you’re looking for (same questions about build, body structure, ethnicity) and so on.

This would lead one to think that they are going to show you people that match the criteria of folks with similar qualities as you have requested, right?

They continue with an in depth questionnaire about what you would like: friendship, committed relationship, casual relationship with benefits, activity partner, or marriage. I indicated friendship because that is all I am interested in for now.

They ask about music you like, activities you are interested in, hobbies, sports, food, etc, etc, etc.

After the eternity of questions (which I did not answer in explicit details, but rather a bit more vague), you finally have completed your profile and can upload four pictures, which I did.

Now you can actually conduct a search in your area with the exact age range you are looking for. I put 60 – 75. You can also provide other social media links like Facebook and Twitter so that you can look at each others social media pages. I was going to put my Facebook account link, but they would not accept it as a correct link probably because a past married name is still associated with my account. At least, that is why I think they rejected it, but who knows! Keep in mind, they only deal with first names on the site, so I still wasn’t sure.

After all is said and done, you start to receive notifications for; 1) who’s looking at your profile, 2) who “likes” your profile, 3) who flirted with you by sending a “heart,” and 4) private messages or additional photos to see.

Remember in the beginning when I said you could search for free? Well, as you know, nothing is ever free. You get to see a handful of photos of men which are supposed to meet the criteria for which you requested in your profile and 99.9% DON’T!!!

I started getting notifications constantly. I would click to see who it was and all they show you is one photo (NOT 4) and their location. Not only were the pictures sometimes terrifying, and sometimes totally laughable, but you cannot view anything else for free!!! You MUST upgrade to view any messages or more photos. You don’t see their entire profile, but rather a handful of their answers- like three; age, location and a partial catch phrase (“fun loving person likes…”). Also, a large amount of profiles contain NO PHOTO. Why would anyone want to meet someone you have no photo of?

So now they have you interested because you are getting all these “likes” and messages that you can’t read. The price of these sites are minimal for a 3 day trial, but then they charge you monthly, automatically until you take action to stop it and at almost $40/month.

I lasted less than 3 days after trying to see who, what and where all the widowed men close to me were, only to find out that MOST of the photos were of men in different countries and states and nowhere near me! It was laughable to say the very least how inaccurate the site was in finding someone my age and in close proximity.

I had indicated I was looking for a white Caucasian male and probably 1/3 of the pictures were of African American males. I believe most of them were 75 – 85 instead of 60 – 75, and most of them did not meet the “fit” or “average build” I had indicated.

This experience was definitely an eye opener for me on just how bad these dating sites truly are. I can’t help but think how many lonely and emotionally drained widows and widowers are being sucked into these sites daily, only to suffer more disappointment! I kept thinking about all the people going thru the worst part of life- dealing with death and the aftermath- and people recommend these dating sights to perhaps give them a little hope that they may find a chapter 2, only to be completely left high and dry! Then they have to figure out how to stop the monthly payments (or quarterly payments), and they will probably be six feet under before they find a perfect match!

My opinion of these dating sites, which I now am inundated with every single one of them emailing me to join their sites because they sold my info to all the others, is that they are money suckers and mostly taking advantage of older folks that have buried or divorced their spouse. They advertise one thing (always pictures of “the pretty people”) and give you nothing in return accept a bunch of fake and incomplete profiles of God knows who! If I could lie about my birthday and location, anyone else can too!

Oh, and by the way, I don’t think it was an accident that my Facebook link would not upload. I believe it is intentional so that I could not connect to any of these men and talk to them for free on my own page!! Call me crazy….or not, but it wouldn’t surprise me!

The bottom line folks for me is this. If you know someone who is lonely and looking for companionship (especially if they are 60 and over), encourage them to seek friendship in other places. They can go to a favorite coffee shop, bar or restaurant, perhaps church, bowling, fishing, shopping- anywhere around other people and have more of a chance to meet someone and not have to waste nearly $40 a month!

Adult children need to spend more time with their parents that are alone to help ease the loneliness from consuming their lives. Younger children or grandchildren should be encouraged to visit and keep them laughing. Extended family can invite them to cookouts or family get-togethers. All of these activities will help keep a single person active and focused on the good things they still have in their life and forget about what’s missing, even if only for awhile.

I personally have found that I am loving my single life. I love having to answer to no one and never having to ask permission for anything. I go where I want, when I want, and do nothing whenever I please. I have an active social life with family and friends and doing just fine. My circumstances may be different, but I had to make a major move up the coast to enable myself the affordability and options for a social life. Please encourage your loved ones to be around others, even if you have to help them move or to stay in a home they love.

I ventured onto a dating site for curiosity and learned they are definitely NOT for me. I am not desperate for love, just crazy about living. I do the best I can with what I have financially, but it costs nothing to spend an afternoon or evening with family. I walk around my town for free and talk to shop owners that have come to know me. I have plenty of opportunities to meet someone if and when I am ever ready, but for now, I LOVE my life and I love where I live.

I hope anyone that is reading this will give some thought to the widow or widower in your life. Keep them involved in some sort of activities. Being active is healthy for the mind and body. If your mind and body is healthy, than you can still lead a productive life no matter what your circumstances are. Don’t ever forget that mobility is everything during the aging process. Once you lose it, you become dependent on others, and no one wants that kind of life. So do what you can to give someone encouragement.

My big sister once said to me after I moved back home;

“You need to learn how to be happy with yourself and spending time alone before you can ever truly be happy.”

She couldn’t be more right! Have a great day folks…

and nothing really newsworthy going on lately.

Well… we did experience a nearly total solar eclipse on April 8th in my area of Ohio. However, with all the media frenzy leading up to it, I am quite sure there is nothing I can add to it that you haven’t already seen and heard. So I will just say it was a very enjoyable sight to see.

I guess the main reason I haven’t been writing in my blog lately is because I am writing the first book of a trilogy, which is far more difficult and time consuming than my blog. I really can’t talk about it yet, but it will have a little of everything; a love story, dealing with the loss of loved ones, some mystery and fears that lead up to a thriller in book two. Hopefully, book two will keep you wanting more and book three will deliver. I’m not a full time writer, so I live first and write second, and a trilogy is a big bite to chew, but I am almost done with book one.

In the meantime, I am really enjoying my small town life and being among family. There are some aspects of Florida that I miss- like being close to the beach, for one thing. But living in the Midwest and seeing everything come back to life in the Spring brings a renewed sense of life when everything turns green and the trees begin to blossom. It’s a magical event every spring when flowers become the focus and no one can get enough of them. People become excited for warm weather events and creating beautiful outdoor spaces. From outdoor lighting on the patio or deck to firepits and outdoor bars, life begins to explode and I love it!

In Florida, life can really become mundane. The only thing that changes is the temperatures and everything starts to turn brown after being scorched by the sun. It’s very hard to keep flowers looking nice, because one day without water can shock a plant to death! Unless you can afford the luxury lifestyle where someone takes care of everything all the time, you become a prisoner to your home keeping everything clean from mold and mildew, and landscaping alone can kill you. Smaller is better, but even still, you can spend 5 minutes pulling weeds or spraying them and need a shower after becoming drenched in sweat. They call it “swamp ass” in the south and it totally sucks!

I have an office in the front of my condo home and the Bradford pear tree across the street is completely white in full blossom. The grass is as green as you can ever imagine the color green to be! The shrubs are all in bloom and the birds are singing. I also have a park bench in my view, which just adds to the park-like setting. When the street lamps light up at dusk, I truly feel like I am living in a Thomas Kinkade painting. FYI; I could have never experienced a beautiful maintenance free condo in a picture-perfect setting like this in Florida. I could have never afforded anything like it! So when people say anything to me about the winters and dealing with snow- I just laugh. I am retired and enjoy every season. We got a total of about 8″ of snow this year and I can certainly live with that.

The people that live in Florida all year long are usually native to the area and know nothing different. The snowbirds arrive on cue when the northern winds begin to blow the Canadian air onto their residence. They would not dream of living in the heat all year long or I am sure they would. The only folks that do care for the heat all year are usually younger and free-spirited beach goers that can handle the heat and sunburns.

As for the retirees that end up in the deep south, be careful what you wish for and hope you have a big bank account, cause you’re going to need it. Rent is high, HOA fees are astronomical and owning a home is constant maintenance year long. Insurance continues to rise annually, along with your taxes. So if you can afford the house payment or rent today, you better plan on it rising substantially every single year. Can you still afford it on your retirement pay in ten years? If so, please invite me down for a visit in the winter. LOL

There was a time in my life that mother nature could really affect my mood. You plan on attending an outdoor event and it ends up raining. You plan to go home for the holidays and it ends up snowing 18″. You plan on attending a concert and high winds and storms occur. You get the picture because shit happens. But now, I think so differently.

It’s amazing, the transformation I have gone thru after watching the death of a spouse. I am so happy to be alive every single day that I wake up and my feet touch the floor that I don’t care much about the weather. Every day is a brand new day- a chance to enjoy life no matter what it brings. When I get a bill, it still sucks. I just don’t stress over them much anymore. When I don’t feel well, or a family member isn’t well, I still don’t like it, but it sure beats the alternative. I always hope for the best and deal with it head on. Cancer is always going to suck, but I always remember; we are all dying just a little bit every day, so make the best of every one that you have. Period. No if’s, ands, or buts about it. Complaining will get you nowhere fast.

It is raining today and I do feel badly for my friends and family that have fur babies. Spring showers do bring the unpleasant part of being a dog owner to light. Mud. Everywhere. ALL THE TIME! I do find the pictures quite amusing and enjoy the fact that I am not a dog owner.

I do love that the showers will bring May flowers. And so it goes…

Happy Spring everyone everywhere!!

and to all a lovely night!

I have always said that the best part of Christmas is the anticipation and pre celebrations. This Christmas it is especially the case for me.

Since moving back home and to the winter weather in the north, I have spent much time purchasing cold weather gear in anticipation of snowy and colder days ahead. I have boots, coats, vests, scarves, hats, gloves, and headbands. I have beautiful sweaters, sweatshirts and plenty of long pants and leggings. I could probably furnish clothing for the cast of Hallmark and I’m broke!

Our first snowfall came this past Monday and it was quite beautiful. It stuck around for a few days, but no chance of a white Christmas at this point with temps trending up in to the 50’s by Christmas day.

I have spent a lot of time with family and it’s been wonderful. We went to see “Straight No Chaser” at the Playhouse- an annual event for my family the past couple of years. We also had a cookie baking day at one of my sister’s houses and had a blast. We were all adorned in the appropriate headbands of reindeer antlers, Santa hats and Elves with bells and laughed a lot, all while listening to everyone’s favorite Christmas tunes. We have spent numerous days shopping, eating out and getting into the holiday spirit. We also had a baby shower for a cousin and how wonderful it was to see my Aunt Rosie after so many years and many of my cousins! How sweet it is!

But after the baby shower, I started experiencing some symptoms of a head cold. Long story short, I ended up getting Covid for Christmas. It led me to an exciting evening to my local Hospital- which is quite nice I might add- but I could have lived without a tour of the ER. As it turned out, my tachycardia lead me to to a CAT scan and I had pneumonia in my right lung.

So Christmas gatherings were canceled, as a few other family members have also received the same gift from the public that I did. So here I sit on Christmas Eve wishing friends and family a Merry Christmas safely from my phone. I feel much better, but have a follow up appointment with my Doctor a few days after Christmas. I have many questions regarding my hearts ability to beat at 156 beats/min and needing a shot of Adenosine to shock it back to normal. At least they didn’t have to literally shock me with the paddles! I was wondering why all the staff were clapping when my heart went back to a normal beat, but they were happy they didn’t have to shock me. (It’s a good thing I didn’t understand exactly what was happening at that moment or I’d probably still be traumatized.)

So a little Covid, a bit of pneumonia and a rapid heart beat caused a surge of excitement, but all is well. I found out how wonderful and considerate my new neighbor is, as she got a call from me out of the blue that evening to ask for help. It was going on 11:00pm when they decided to release me and she was my only possible ride. She came in her jammies with a warm coat and picked me up at the ER doors. “It’s OK” I said. “I’m in my jammies too, only I don’t have a coat.” The car was warm and I was safely in my bed before midnight. She has checked on me ever since. What a sweetheart!

We canceled our New Year’s Eve outing because no one was sure how anyone would feel, but I am quite sure there will be some celebrating eventually. You see- it just doesn’t matter when plans get changed and rearranged; as long as you all wake up to a brand new day and a second chance.

I have learned so many powerful lessons over the past year. As I approach the one year mark that my late husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I have learned that we are all stronger than we ever think we are. I know that happiness can exist no matter how difficult the road may be to find it- you just have to want it bad enough to go after it. I understand what many folks are going thru as they are alone after loss of a loved one. I get how family can pull you out of an ugly place and help you get up and on your feet again. I know that renewed old friendships can build your strength and give you new hopes and dreams. I know that life is hard and there are many ups and downs, but as long as you have breath and life, it is the greatest gift we will ever receive. I know that I have picked some great friends in my lifetime that are still there for me and others will fade away.

But don’t forget…tomorrow is never promised. Make it a great holiday no matter if you’re happy right this minute or not, because as long as you are still here plugging away, there is always the hope of a brand new day and another chance of happiness for the taking.

Now go make yourself a hot chocolate, spike an eggnog, fix a glass of your favorite holiday cheer this evening and toast to new beginnings. Eat, drink and be Merry with your friends, family or all alone. Feel the reason for the season in your hearts and be glad. Sometimes you just have to create your own cheer. I have gotten really good at it!

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

begins the anticipation of traditions, festivities and fun! This year is especially anticipated because I live back home surrounded by my family. I am honestly like a child this year yearning to see everything and anything that resembles Thanksgiving or Christmas, and savoring every morsel I can get!

As you all know, this has been a year of change for me, starting with my husband’s unexpected passing in January. I made the spontaneous decision to move back to Ohio in the summer, once I realized that living in Florida year-round alone wasn’t going to work for me. It was a lot of work to stage my home, sell it, pack it up and arrange for moving up north. I wasn’t even sure if I would find the right place at the right price at the time I did it. You also know that I had family I could count on once I arrived safely up north, so I took the chance and did it!

They helped me to find my wonderful condo; I bought it and moved into it before fall. The work it took to accomplish all of this is in my rearview mirror and I’m not looking back. I just know I am stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. There should be some kind of reward for this sort of thing, right? I’m here to speak of such rewards, and it’s not something that will sit on a shelf and collect dust.

The first reward came in the form of self gratification after self preservation. It is the unbelievable feeling of accomplishment that I saved myself from the misery of living alone in a house that would have eventually sucked up my resources (and my energy) with constant maintenance in a hot weather climate. That accomplishment is realized every single time I walk into my home now and drive thru my beautiful small-town community. It fills my heart to know that I made this all happen and I did it on my own. It has empowered me. I have felt comfortable here since day one because I am home.

The second reward was reuniting with friends and family in a way that I can only describe as euphoric. Each time I go to lunch or dinner (or anywhere) with a sister, an old friend, a cousin, etc., I feel explicit joy. I can only say this about that; We have all witnessed a family member’s serious illness, complications and death in some fashion. It’s the worst part of life when we are faced with death and its aftermath, but that is part of life. We all must bare it in some way and move on- or I should say- live on. Nobody has to move anywhere, but it’s traumatic, painful and depressing, and affects us all in different ways. Greif and tragedy is unique to each one of us.

As our family shrinks over the years, it also grows. It grows with children or grandchildren, or sometimes- just through the heart with the memories we hold near and dear. For me, the holidays that are steeped in traditions is like the tree of life in our family and has renewed my vow to live on. Moving back to where my roots are has given me the greatest gift of life and strength to get over the ugliness of the past.

The third reward I shall speak of comes from viewing this holiday season with child-like eyes. I desire to live each and every moment with great anticipation. I don’t want to miss anything by jumping right to the crescendo of any event. I want to savor each and every gathering that leads to that high point. Looking at my calendar, I see each and every one of these smaller, intimate events as the soul of Christmas. Some are new activities and some are traditional, but as my calendar grows full; so does my heart!

Decorating my new place is my next reward. My nephew on his first visit to my condo asked me where I was going to put my Christmas tree. I have a beautiful open sunroom that he thought would make the perfect spot for a big tree! I also have a beautiful large window in my living room that I suggested as an alternate spot. He then says, “Well Aunt Lorraine, you can always have two trees!” So, of course I solved that issue by purchasing a second little tree. Thank you for your input, my dear nephew. Thanks to my little sister’s annual gifts of Wendall August ornaments thru the years, I have dedicated that smaller tree for just those special ornaments. It is also flocked with snow because it is appropriate now that I live in a 4 season state. In Florida, you would never see a snow-covered tree! Nope…

Thanksgiving is this week and I will be seeing most of my family at both of my sister’s homes. We have planned the menus and the festivities will begin soon, but the anticipation of it all is what drives me to write. I want to watch it all unfold in slow motion. That is the greatest reward of all is to savor these moments that live on long after our parents have departed this earth. My siblings are the best gift my parents ever gave to me. We take the good and the bad, and roll it all together to make the glue that has held our family together.

If you are missing some of your family members this holiday (and I know many of you are), try to open your hearts and let them speak through the love of memories and traditions. My family is a great example of how love can grow after tragedy. Terrible diseases can ravage the body or the minds of our loved ones and steel them from us physically, but they can never take them from our hearts.

My sisters just took me to one of their favorite little places over the weekend (off the beaten path, I might add). We spent the night there and had an exceptionally fun time together. We made it a point to toast to our wonderful parents, who must have been smiling that their three girls were all together again laughing like children. We laughed so hard that night, enjoyed a few spirited cocktails (because no one was driving), a wonderful dinner and good music from a favorite trio of musicians that have become good friends.

This is what life can offer for anyone that seeks joy after tragedy. It is the greatest gift of all, my dear readers and friends!!!

My Mother and Grandmother both loved Thanksgiving because of the memories they held dear of family gatherings, long after many loved ones departed. Their traditions live on in my family and I am now back to behold the sights and sounds of the holidays. You all know how I speak fondly of my childhood, and now- because I was brave enough to take on a big move and huge changes in my life- I will experience it again with my siblings. I can honestly say that I am like a child again, as I anticipate this holiday season.

What better way to experience Christmas, than through the eyes of a child? If that was a Christmas wish, then it is coming true for me! It’s not as hard as you think to make that wish come true. You just have to believe in the magic of tradition and family, but it helps to be home together with each other.

I cannot fail to mention that there are some friends in Florida that I will truly miss seeing this holiday. Our last Thanksgiving together with some of these folks was the last one I prepared in my Florida home, and just before my husband’s health rapidly declined. It would be the the last time that he enjoyed a holiday. By Christmas, he was dying rapidly of small cell neuroendocrine carcinoma and diagnosed as terminal. By New Years, he was in the hospital and the cancer had spread almost everywhere in his body. It wasn’t long after that and Hospice would guide me thru his last days of life. 50 days from diagnosis to death.

What would you do if you knew you only had 50 days to live? It’s a blink of an eye for the patient. It’s a lifetime to the family. I mention this only to remind us all how precious life is. Others don’t get a warning, they are simply gone in an instant.

I have several friends and family members that are cancer survivors. Ask any one of them how precious life is. My big sister is one of them. Her daughter is one of them. The list goes on and on, but each and every one of us could be one of them.

Do not wait till you get sick before you wished you had lived more life. This is the very reason I live with a renewed excitement for every day and view each holiday as a gift.

So please join me this year and celebrate life during the season of lights and joy! Be thankful for another chance to act like a kid again. Decorate the house, make the cookies, roast the turkey, drink the spirits, eat the desserts and don’t think about the calories! If we’re lucky enough to see snow (YES, snow can be fun for all the kill joys out there!) build that snowman, make that snow angel, take your grandchildren sledding and I’ll make the hot chocolate with lots of marshmallows! Take a drive to see the Christmas lights, enjoy “Cookie day” (I sure plan to!), make a yule log (we might attempt one this year!), and have an eggnog or two. Don’t forget to spike it a bit with your favorite flavor of booze. Watch your favorite movies or join me for a Hallmark marathon while it snows! Live a little and laugh a lot!!

DO NOT worry about spending money you don’t have because that is NOT what the holidays are about. Build the memories, create the traditions, celebrate your family and friends because that is the GIFT of the season!

The gift of life and second chances- that is my reward!

Below are just a few of my special gifts. An early present from little sis- a holiday season purse.

Just one of several holiday leggings. (I have jammies too!)

My Wendall August tree (couldn’t wait till my fall decorations came down. It is new and, of course- you have to try it out to make sure the lights work….right???

Just a few samples of my holiday spirited cocktails and winter clothing.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!

was not quite what I expected.

I have been back home in Ohio since the end of July. It took me a couple of months to get settled into my house and community and then I began to explore around the area. I have enjoyed going places and doing things with my sisters and they have certainly kept me busy. It’s been a great 3 months and I feel like I am home. But nagging in the back of my brain was visiting a place I called home for 25 years.

I finally did it. I worked up the courage to make a Facebook post (which, evidently, was virtually seen by no one except a few critics of my word “impromptu”), and at the last minute, I made overnight accommodations at The Spitzer House. I wanted the freedom to go where I wanted and see who I wanted with no explanations and no obligations. I only made plans to see a couple of people- and anyone else I would have seen, would be a bonus!

I packed up an overnight bag, filled my car with gas, and off I went on a dreary and rainy morning. It was actually good for bringing out the color of the leaves and traffic was very light- so no complaining. The light drizzle stopped about half way there.

I had a lot of time to think as I was making the drive and many good memories were filling my head. By the time I reached Sully’s for lunch with my friend and colleague, I couldn’t wait to see her! We had a lovely time for about two hours talking about life, love and loss before it was time for me to go.

Next up, was one of the places I worked for several years to see my old boss and a co-worker. It was another wonderful visit for almost two hours before I had to leave to check into the B&B.

The Spitzer House is an award winning house that was built in 1890 and extremely close to my evening destination- The Corkscrew Saloon. However, you must know, that it is well known to be crazy haunted! Especially two rooms that are noted to have a couple of Inn resident spirits.

One of those two rooms has the most stories- Ceilan’s room. The home was built for General Milo Spitzer and it is said that the general still inhabits this old room.

Ceilan’s room was my room for the night! So that’s exciting, right? Also; the bathroom is NOT inside the room, but rather, across the hall behind a secret door! I had no idea this was the case until I entered my room for the first time and found no bathroom when I needed one. I then opened the letter that was included with my directions to get inside the house with a code and read highlighted in green how to enter my private bath across the hall. You simply press to the left of the statue on the wall and voila! That’s kind of cool.

Now, I am up for a challenge, but I learned very quickly that the floor creaks extremely loud with every single step you take- every move you make. Also, the hidden door has a distinctive creek as you push it opened because there is an old spring that will automatically close the door once you let go of it! It sort of sounds like that noise you hear in every single haunted house you have seen in the movies- and I’m not kidding!

I am not sure what time I will return to my room, but I said out loud the first time I stood there in the hall trying to figure out this whole bathroom hidden door gig “this should be very interesting in the middle of the night when I have to pee!”

Without hesitation, I returned to my room, looked into the mirror and said, “What the hell- it’s only one night.”

I planned to get to the Corkscrew by five o’clock, but no need sitting in this bedroom- just me and the general hanging out, so I grabbed my key, the letter with the code and off I went.

The owner of the restaurant met me at the door when he saw me coming and gave me a big hug, but also told me “I didn’t know you were coming.” I explained I really had no plan, but I did post it on Facebook almost a week in advance for my close friends to see it and plan ahead for it. His response was “I didn’t see it.”

Anyway, my favorite bartender was working and we embraced and it felt so good to say “I’ll have my usual Rose.” I chuckled after I said it, and then followed up with “if you can remember what my usual is.” We both laughed, but, of course she remembered! Every great bartender knows what her patrons drink and she is certainly one of the best!

At this time, I texted two people to see if they could join me for a cocktail at the CS- which is what the locals know it as. It seems as though, they didn’t see my post either. Neither one of them were coming to join me. Surely- someone saw my post! Right? I did get some comments on the post and “likes”, so I figured someone would show up- right?

Well, wrong! No one showed up. So challenge number 2: how to sit in your old neighborhood bar by yourself when you were hoping to see some old friends. Challenge accepted! I had two of my usual cocktails and a BLT flatbread (totally yummy, by the way) and talked to several patrons as they came and went. But, it was a Tuesday and a bit on the slow side.

I love to sip bourbon on ice, and so what better way to sooth the pain of this challenge? I ordered Eagle Rare (my favorite and one of the best) over ice, and I knew my evening was about to get better, because bourbon makes everything better! Or at least tolerable.

The gentleman sitting one barstool to the left of me with his lady friend would talk with me every now and then, and also, a gentleman by himself at the end of the bar closest to my right. I ordered a second bourbon- this time, I tried Bulleit. After Eagle Rare, it was just not right for me, so I offered it to the gentleman at the end of the bar. He gladly accepted and we chatted about bourbon.

So another Eagle Rare and shots with my two bartender friends. Eventually, I sat with the lady and the gentleman and showed them one of my reasons I returned to this bar. October 20th, 2010 was the date my late husband and I met at this very bar and these people were sitting exactly where we sat. Almost 13 years later, here I am with two total strangers sharing some pictures that popped up in my memories. He was a widower and she was a good friend. I only know them as Linda and Jim. That is; if my bourbon brain remembers correctly!

It was time for me to go. To stay any longer would have meant not being able to get back to my haunted room safely- and God knows, I don’t want to miss out on that excitement!

To my amazement, the gentleman that I remember as Jim told Rose after I said to cash me out (as they were doing the same) that he would like to pay for it all. My first and immediate response was. “I don’t think you want to do that. I have been drinking very good bourbon!” His response was, “I do want to do that” and he reiterated to Rose that he wanted to cover us all.

Well, how kind and generous was that? I have no idea what my bill was, but thank you again kind Sir (if you’re reading this) for your generosity and your friendship on that weird and crazy night that I thought I would be hanging out with some friends!

I realized when I stood up that I had reached my limit. Off to the B&B I went and drove right past it! Ooops! A short drive around two blocks and I was right where I needed to be- again. I used my phone to see the code pad on the external door and then banged right into the second doors internally! Yep. I came in with a bang!

So now that everyone is up, I creaked all the way up the winding cherry wood staircase to the general’s room and fumbled with the key to open the door. The first thing I did was throw my purse onto the bed hoping not to slap the general in the face and headed across the hall for the adventurous bathroom.

My tooth brush and things were still in the bedroom. That would mean another trip back and forth. I changed into my nightgown and crawled into my bed, which was very comfortable and smelled fresh and clean. I did not hear any strange noises. In fact, it was so silent, that I knew, I must have woke everyone one up because no one was snoring.

I set my alarm, checked my phone and was laying there in the silence. I am not sure how long I was laying there before pee #2 entered my brain. No! I just can’t– I thought to myself when the general pushed me out of my bed. Light went on, I grabbed the key (just wanted to make sure that I could get back into my room) and again, entered the creaking zone of my hidden bathroom. I sat there wanting to giggle out loud (I may have, now that I’m thinking about it…)

I made it safely back to my bed, but not sure I locked the door. Got up and nope! Door was unlocked. So I lock it and got back into bed.

Pee #3 occurred sometime after 3am. I am quite sure my neighbors will never stay at this place again. If the train didn’t keep them up- I surely did.

It was at this time that my headache started and I knew I had ibuprofen in my purse. All I had to do was find the little container in the bottom of my purse, but I would first have to tip toe over to the desk where I think my purse is. Turned the light back on and I don’t see my purse (it’s black, making it harder to locate it.) Well, after knocking my clothes that were on the back of the chair onto the floor, I finally saw my purse sitting in the chair, so I delicately picked it up and took it to my bed.

Found the pills after some digging, but now my water is on the desk. I can see it, but I have to walk across the floor again! I felt pretty confident that I was done moving in this room. I will now return to sleep and hopefully, everyone else will too.

After taking the pills with all that water, pee #4 occurred at around 5am.

OMG! I am quite sure after my not-so-quiet stay in this room, that the general decided to sleep with someone else that night! He may not even live there anymore! But, you know what? It’s not my fault that you don’t offer an in-suite bathroom for crying out loud!

Day 2 was very nice. The sun was shining, the temperature was perfect, I walked around the square and got to visit with a store owner that I have known since the day she opened almost 25 years ago at the Gardner’s Cottage. We talked, I shopped and hugged goodbye.

Next was cupcakes and coffee. Then I was off to spend the rest of the afternoon with our neighbor and good friend across the street where we used to live. I hated seeing what the new owners have done to our beautiful property, but I loved spending time with our friend.

All in all, my trip back to Medina taught me about life, friendships, and what home really means. I don’t call this place home anymore. Some of my friendships will change, and some may even disappear. My new home is somewhere else now, but true friends will always find a way to be in your life, and making new friends is wonderful!

One thing I know for sure; I will no longer dread the “first” trip back to Medina anymore. It’s in the past and it was actually fun. I no longer have that heavy feeling in my chest to see where I used to live and my friends and neighbors are still in my heart.

I would give the Spitzer house a good review, however, they may not like me very much and might not want me back…

Still laughing about everything falling off the chair onto the floor at 3am, but look at it this way…maybe the ghosts have left the building…

I really don’t have a story or a lesson to share, I simply want to write today to uplift my spirits and anyone else that perhaps needs a little uplifting. It is a cloudy and chilly 53 degrees today and I love to write, so what better time to do it.

The grief site I have been a part of went thru a weird transformation over the last weekend because one person caused an uproar. The admins shut the site down for several days to access the situation and it’s back on track this week. It made me pause and think that one person can really rock the boat and cause everyone else to sit still holding their breath in hopes they don’t go under because of one person’s selfish actions.

The site is more about growing and moving forward with life after loss, which is what attracted me to it in the first place. I have a strong need to move forward, and that is because my situation is very different than others and difficult to explain. The point is; there is no need for me to explain it to anyone, and that is not being selfish. I am healing from trauma and not asking for anyone else to “hold their breath,” I am simply making decisions that suit me best and won’t affect anyone else.

So how do you find happiness after surviving on a sinking ship? My life is geared towards finding that happiness, and so far, so good!

The first and biggest step for me was moving from the place that was filled with worry, sadness and concern to a place that felt comfortable and close to my immediate family. We can never truly eliminate worry and concern, so I focused on getting rid of the sadness. My family has replaced the sadness I carried in my heart with an unbelievable happiness that I haven’t felt in years! Dining together, talking, planning future events and holidays have been euphoric! And the shopping- well everyone needs a little retail therapy now and then, but I need to put the brakes on that a bit after our last trip to the mall. But, oh my, did we have fun and contribute to our area’s economy!

The second hurdle (concern) I face is winter. I haven’t lived in winter weather for over 10 years, but I am thinking positive thoughts and making it fun. I have been truly enjoying Fall colors and buying things like boots, coats, sweatshirts, gloves, etc. I also don’t complain about the weather like people that have been here their whole lives often do- because I am seeing Ohio thru a new set of eyes. I feel alive and well and nothing will change that no matter where I live- positive is positive. Would I love to eliminate cloudy or rainy days? No! I want them ALL– good or bad! They all serve a purpose and I want every minute of every day! Every state has good ones and bad ones. Ohio has winter and Florida has summer. I prefer to be inside for both, so it doesn’t really make much difference to me.

The biggest difference for me is Family is here.

I couldn’t afford the town I lived in for 25 years, and finding an affordable condo during a crazy housing market wasn’t an easy task. But the outcome was far more than what I could have ever imagined! I picked a place I knew little to nothing about based on what I remembered from 30 years ago. A small (six and one half square miles) very quaint, historical area filled with street lamps downtown and lush, green hillsides and farms all around it. My sisters were my eyes and ears for the transaction and I purchased it sight unseen. I am living proof that you can take chances and come out ahead. I love my home and my sisters had my back! They both agree that my home could not suit me better.

So what is left to tell? I have moved on from a dark place in my life to a brand new place filled with new hopes and dreams. My love for life is still alive and well. I have learned that sadness is all around us every day. It is consuming for many, yet, I find it peaceful to know it and move away from it. You can never fully eliminate sadness from your life, but if you learn to embrace the possibilities that grow from it, you can find happiness again.

My little sister said something to me last weekend that made me realize something greater about myself than I ever knew before. She told me that after I lost so much in the great recession and survived from all of it, she never really doubted for a second that I could handle this move on my own and put all the darkness in the rearview mirror. My sisters both had more faith in me than I had in myself after my darkest hours. It proves to me that one of the very reasons we can survive so much sadness in life, is that we have each other to lean on.

The foundation we grew up on was built by a strong family that could face anything together. Our parents were the greatest and are remembered with such love and grace by all who knew them. I owe my strength, my will and my determination to my loving parents and I could not be happier than having my siblings to walk thru this life with!

So that is it for today. If you are sad, lonely or doubting your future- just know you are not alone. We have more strength and determination than we ever give ourselves credit for. Take it from me- someone who has had a strong foundation to build on- that we all have what it takes to be happy. We just need the desire to get there and a little support from family or friends. If you don’t have a supportive family, then you need to build a new foundation with those that will help you.

Happy trails folks and have a wonderful day…

after losing our “person” is no easy task. I have been a part of an online grief group since February and have become somewhat of a support system for those who are afraid to speak up. (That is the only reason I’m still in it.) I am, in a sense, the voice of reason for some of these folks. You all know that I speak only the truth with humor, and of course, served up with a side of sarcasm.

If you have lost a spouse/partner or family member, this blog is for you, because I am about to share some cold hard facts. You may not agree with me, but I am going to share what I have discovered. Not just personally, but through the eyes and voices of many others that are in the same position and afraid to speak. The sarcasm meter might read a bit high today, so you have been warned if this is a trigger subject. This is not a humorous blog entry.

First off, when my Grandmother told me many years ago that no one knows what goes on behind closed doors- she couldn’t have been more right.

Long before your person is diagnosed with a terminal illness, there is a secret life between you and your partner that no one ever knows about. Do you think for one moment that what you have seen and heard is the whole story? It’s not. You are only seeing what they let you see and hear. So, long before the diagnoses, people have already pre-determined how these two people should act once the fact becomes known to friends and family that someone is dying.

What I’m trying to say is; prepare for judgment day! You will be judged for everything you do and don’t do, and that is just life and the nature of people.

Once your person has been diagnosed and you go into disbelief mode together trying to prepare for the inevitable, everyone applauds your positivity, strength and determination. You have no choice in this matter, but you suddenly become a full time care-taker, financial planner, manager, specialist (yes, you have to learn all the proper terminology, drugs, side effects, learn to administer them and oxygen, etc., )

Congratulations. You have become a full time nurse and the family’s hero. They all go about their lives with work, church, children, grandchildren and thank you for taking good care of their loved one (all by yourself, in many cases). If you have a heart, it’s your duty to escort your person from this life to the next step and you do it with honor and dignity no matter what your relationship was like together.

In my case, there were honors in both civilian and military life while he was still alive. There was also the planning for interment in a National Cemetery up North with honors, so he received honors while he was alive, and again, after death, because we planned it that way and I followed thru with it. However, I am not doing a celebration of life (which was my thought- never his.) It would only end up being a drink fest, and that can happen without me, but back to my point.

You will receive phone calls, cry many tears, discuss arrangements and reminisce. Not once during this time does anyone have anything bad to say about your diligence in taking care of your person. They are just grateful you are doing it.

Fast forward to 10 or 12 months later. You have now reached judgement day with every decision you make and are in no way prepared for what’s to come.

How do I know this? I hear others speak about it every single day. I am also experiencing it. My little sister’s best friend is living it after a tragic loss of her Son. No one is exempt from this experience.

Let me just run down a few things you will be judged on, in case you don’t know or understand what I am referring to:

When is the last time you called the deceased person’s family? (Think about how many times you ever spoke to them before your person’s death?)

Have you visited their gravesite or why are you there all the time? (Why does this matter to anyone else?)

Did you see what he/she is always posting on Facebook? (Did they ever care before?)

What is he/she doing with the deceased member’s money and/or personal belongings? (If you inherited everything- it’s your stuff now and do whatever you must with it.)

Why is he/she doing whatever they’re doing? (Absolutely no ones’ business, so don’t waste your time trying to please anyone else.)

Can you believe he/she sold the house, or car, or anything else of value? (You have your reasons and never have to explain them to anyone.)

Trust me, this list goes on and on, but I don’t want to dig in too deep.

What do you think every Widow/Widower’s number one question is in the group and most criticized action when they finally do it?

“How soon can you start seeing someone, especially if you have children?”

Yes! This is the most asked question in a group of grieving people beyond a shadow of a doubt. Sad, but true. Is this what keeps people up at night?

I have provided answers numerous times to people that are afraid to have a companion, or God forbid- a sex life after death of your partner. In some cases, it has been several years for these people and they live in depression and loneliness because others have shamed them or guilted them.

My answer is short and to the point: Whenever it feels right to YOU!

Why do people let their children become the professional counselors of their love lives? Why do the children suddenly become experts in the area of your loneliness and when it’s appropriate for you to date someone? When did it become okay for others to be all up in your financial business? Why do your friends become experts in the field of grief and how long you should do it? Why does your deceased spouse’s friends or family suddenly know what’s best for you when they never did before? They don’t even know what your relationship was really like behind those closed doors. It’s actually quite disturbing and borderline abusive in my opinion.

You have watched your person die. You have arranged to bury him/her. You have dealt with everything imaginable and unimaginable, and mostly on your own. But suddenly, everyone else knows what’s best for you.

I will only say this once, so I hope anyone else that needs to hear it is paying attention;

No one knows what your life was truly like before your person died, and they certainly aren’t going to understand it any better once they’re buried or spread out over some mountain range or an ocean.

There is only ONE person that knows what is BEST for you- that is YOU!

Do yourself a huge favor and LIVE your life. I promise in the end when it’s your turn to be laid to rest or sprinkled somewhere that no one is going to give a damn about any of the things that you did or didn’t do- unless it involves what you left them in your will. Nothing else matters if it doesn’t affect them.

Just for the record; I will begin dating when I decide it’s right for me. I moved because it was right for me. I do not like visiting gravesites because their spirit is not there. I don’t worry about what it looks like because a National Cemetery is kept pristine (in my case). You don’t visit a grave because it’s good for anyone else- it’s your personal decision.

Death is similar to divorce in some ways. Eventually, everyone picks a side, and your side is always with your immediate family and good friends, not the other way around. And it doesn’t really matter how long you were married/together, that is just the way it always is folks, but this is my opinion.

This is so disheartening for so many people who have already had to deal with the worst thing we ever face in life; death. Why will no one speak up for themselves?

I have chosen to speak up for myself and for those that cannot find their voice to do so.

We have but one life to live, and after seeing death up close and personal, most of us choose to LIVE as much as time will allow. Being happy and healthy will only lead you to a better life to live, so choose to BE HAPPY.

Go wherever you want. Do whatever you want, be with whoever you choose. And most of all, YOU choose WHEN and IF the time is right for you to do anything. No one has the right to make decisions for you and don’t let anyone make you feel bad for the ones you make. Grief is ours to deal with and no one can decide for you how to deal with it.

The person left behind is the only decision maker of his or her life. It’s just that simple. There is no right or wrong way, just your way.

My hope is that anyone dealing with anything like I have described will find their own voice and find peace and happiness for as long as you live.

has not been an easy task since January when my spouse died. I have been here to share the realities of life after death, but there is so much more than meets the eye.

It’s called reality.

I am going to share some things about myself- the Writer, the Widow and some secrets!

Let’s talk about the Widow:

First off, I have decided that I no longer wish to be called a “Widow.” I have always hated spiders and the word makes me shutter just thinking about the implication! I know that I have to check off the box next to this complicated state of singlehood- not by choice and nothing of my own doing got me where I am- yet the government has labeled us as such on certain forms. However, once they are able to tax you as “Single” status, they pretty much wipe their hands clean of the term, but somehow, we are still stuck with it.

I have been on my own now financially, mentally, physically and in every other sense of the word, “Single.” I make all the decisions, complete all the tasks, moved my @ss from one end of the country to the other completely alone. I think that qualifies me as single. So anyone else out there that has been widowed and hates the word as much as me- just drop the word! We are single people. Period- the end. Alone and on our own. Doesn’t matter how we got here.

Next, let’s talk about my writing:

I am writing for the first time- a fiction book based on true events. I am also writing for the first time in third person. I am the narrator existing outside the events of the story. This is not as easy as some people may think and has presented it’s challenges to me. It is taking me longer, but it’s starting to click. Conversations between characters are still a challenge, but I am enjoying this new-found talent that writers possess bringing the reader vividly into their character’s lives and conversations. It’s fascinating!

The inspiration for the story is based on true events and I cannot reveal any part of that to you. Well, at least not while I am writing, but maybe someday. But here is a little secret…

I wrote my very first love scene! I consider this a new talent. I am able to write a steamy love scene for most mature audiences. Terminology is such, that your teenage daughter can read it without any vulgarity, yet, enough detail to stir the emotions and curiosity of a young man or woman. The bottom line is, your teenage son or daughter would find this book to be quite interesting, and so would you! I have tested it on a few people, and they could not agree more.

This journey is still at the beginning stages, but I am excited to share, that if all goes well, this could be a trilogy and book one of three is going pretty good, so far. I am encouraged, but the task is still a bit overwhelming.

There will be young love, life challenges, followed by some very surprising and extreme twists and turns- all of which I am not at liberty to discuss yet. But, if you have followed my blog for years, or you are a brand new reader; hold onto your seats because the best is yet to come! The ending is a work in progress, and I have not decided what fate the two main characters will meet, and that is what is so exciting! I don’t know the ending yet, but I am loving the story.

Discovering who I am has been exhausting at times, yet, exciting. “I am a writer.” I am a “work in progress.” I have learned that every challenge I have faced cannot erase who I’ve always been- a strong-willed and determined woman that won’t take a disaster or a disappointment as an unhappy ending.

A disaster is just the beginning…and I am able to choose the ending…

The Confucius quote is, “Wherever you go, go with all your heart.”

A friend of mine just asked me recently how I was doing after my big move to Ohio. My response was, “Best decision I ever made!” I am doing quite well folks.

My friend’s question got me thinking, as another friend of mine was recently in the middle of a life changing move, just how mind blowing a move can be.

There is so much stress usually involved; getting rid of your old place (regardless of selling or renting- it’s a big job!), deciding how to move your stuff or who will move it for you, packing up all your stuff, figuring out if it will fit into what you plan on moving it in, and of course- what to get rid of so you don’t have to move ALL your stuff!

Then there is the stress on the other end. Where are you moving all that stuff to? Who’s going to help you on that other end? Closing on a house or renting, unpacking all your stuff and trying to make your next place into a comfy cozy home. I could go on and on. Anyone that has made a major move (or even a smaller move) across the country or up the street- It all SUCKS! I did it 21 times prior to what I pray is the last one. 22 moves is more than most military folks I know!

But let me tell you what made this move the best one and why I am doing well.

I moved back to where my roots are. I am driving around in familiar territory, even though I’m about 30 minutes from where I grew up. (I still need a GPS since it’s been over 30 years on these back roads!) The very best part of it all is that I have my family close by and I have begun to live again after going thru a horrible experience. All the stress of isolation and loneliness have evaporated into thin air and I am smiling more every day with plans for get-togethers, sitting around a firepit, shopping, eating out at some cool places, etc.

For me, this move has been life saving and has given me hope for the future. It has given me freedom from yardwork and taking care of an in-ground pool. It saved me from the stress of pre-hurricane jitters and dealing with stocking up on non-perishable foods, water and batteries in anticipation of no electricity. It has spared me from numerous excessively hot days. (I know this because I still get alerts on my phone from the county I used to live in!)

There are some glitches (like losing the remainder of this original story into thin air!) but that is why I will continue with changing up my life story. I will not be discouraged.

I used to constantly talk about moving back to an idyllic town in Ohio that I lived in for almost 25 years. I thought I could possibly make it happen, but it had become unaffordable for me, and condos were at a premium price- and usually outdated. Apartments and renting was also out of control. So, why was I so fixated on this place I used to call home? It is not where I was born or raised.

It was about the people more than it was ever about the place- that’s why! But the more I thought about this, the more I realized that the people I had spent most of my time with there were the people that “we” were friends with. Now that it is just “me”, I am more content with my family- sisters, brother, cousins and old friends. It is always about the “people” in your life- not so much the place.

I picked a little big city (I refer to it as the Little Big Town) and it is also idyllic in many ways. I am in an area that is more hilly than I remembered, and very luscious and green countryside everywhere you look. I get held up often by the train or by the tractors, but it doesn’t affect me much because I am still retired- for now. The downtown streets are lined with street lamps (y’all know how much I love that!) and everything I need is close by, which will help me in the winter- cause y’all know I haven’t seen one since 2012! I also heard a man refer to the ladies behind the counter at the shoe store as “Yinz” (pronounced yoonz), a Pittsburgh dialect found up here in the north- used for the plural of you all or the Southern English y’all.

I can go to a farmer’s market every single day. I can find a craft fair every single weekend. Wineries are plentiful and I have bigger towns all around me that I can visit, but don’t deal with all their traffic near my home. My condo is spacious, beautiful and has been updated- all for a reasonable price- and sits in a scenic, lamp lit, hillside location. What’s not to love?

I do believe that I have found a perfect little paradise to enjoy and all that life has left to offer me! It is my new favorite place to be and I no longer constantly yearn to go back to the town I used to love. I will visit eventually (because of the people), but I am currently making new friends, enjoying my family and looking forward to seeing some old friends!

The “glitch” in my original story has forced me to write a new one. I am happy so far with the way it is unfolding.

The bottom line is…and my new quote: “If you bring your heart to a new place, happiness will be sure to follow you!”

Hi folks! I’ve missed you!

I officially closed on my condominium on Monday July 10th while dog sitting in Wisconsin. Those that follow my blog know how that proved to be quite the test of wit and determination after Truist Bank refused to do a wire transfer with my money. It was resolved with no help from Truist and funds transferred.

Prior to my long drive home from Wisconsin, Cheryl and Dave hosted a Key West reunion of friends that were within a drivable distance to their house. It was a much anticipated event for all 9 of us and well worth the wait! Sailor Fred and Diane made it down from Copper Harbor in the UP, Bonnie made it in from the Milwaukie area, Cheryl and Dennis came, and of course, Ronnie B, the traveling man- made it too. We squeezed in as much as we could (the boys even got a flight in Dave’s airplane, while the girls did a little shopping) and we ate, drank and laughed- a lot! Sailor Fred turned the hands of time with a birthday that was happily celebrated by all of us with some singing and yummy cupcakes. (Because who doesn’t love cupcakes?!) I loved every minute of time with these great people because, sadly, someone else may be missing the next time we have another reunion (3 of us are no longer a couple and celebrating solo).

As my time with Cheryl, Dave and Dexter was coming to an end, I felt many emotions. First- they are truly the best of the best when it comes to friends. Second, I was fake Mom to Dexter who came to love me like a real Mom. He proved he would miss me when he laid outside my bedroom door in the morning and would come up to me for no reason and paw at me to pet him. Perhaps he was just looking for another treat, but I prefer to believe he was trying to say thank you and goodbye. After all, he is a human in a Doodle’s body!

After ten hours driving home to my Sister’s house on a nice sunny Saturday, I was anticipating seeing the new carpet I chose (already installed), and we planned a get-together with my Realtor the next morning so I could finally get the keys to my new home. We got to visit with our distant Cousin (my Realtor’s husband) and once they left, I drove to my house- about 30 minutes away from my little Sister’s. It was both strange and wonderful pulling in the driveway and pressing that button. The garage door went up and I walked into my empty house alone for the first time.

The carpet was beautiful and my heart felt like it was beating a little faster and a bit harder. I took in a deep breath and said out loud “Welcome to your new life Lorraine!” I walked into every room, which was left spotless and clean. I stood there somewhat in amazement. I could hardly believe what I was able to accomplish and what I had done.

I took care of a dying husband by myself and got him safely home where he was buried with honors in a National cemetery. I took a bit of time to heal and get affairs in order. I then walked away from my beautiful Florida home with a pool and a different life attached. I sold it, packed up everything I had by myself and coordinated a move up the east coast to the Midwest without even knowing for sure where I would end up. I took a chance. I found a condo in a small charming town (just as I like it!) and got approved to buy it. I stored my belongings in a POD and went on a trip to Wisconsin for three weeks. I closed the deal remotely while there, had carpeting laid, and was now standing in the middle of my new house.

If you know my true life story, this moment was surreal and victorious.

The POD would be delivered first thing the next morning. A moving crew would arrive the day after that and deliver my belongings into their new place. The POD would then be picked up the following morning. All the coordinating and three days later- it was all over and I was home. The stress melted away as I started to arrange my life in a new village in a new place with new friends just minutes from family and old friends in all directions.

My new life has begun and there is happiness seeping into my body once again.

I shared sister time. I have been to a beautiful winery a couple of times. I have shared dinners with family. I have gone shopping in anticipation of cooler weather and the beauty of Fall. I now own 3 flannel shirts and several new jeans! I am making plans and living life.

I can’t wait to share some of it with you!

Stay tuned…It’s coming…