did I think I would meet someone online, let alone date him. It’s both one of the strangest and most adventurous things I have ever done!

For those of you that followed my story about dating sites, you know I got off of it in less than 3 days. It was ridiculousness on steroids! However, I did join an online group called 60+ Men and Women Still Searching. It is just a forum for older folks to meet, chat and all for free on Facebook.

For those of you who have never been in one of these groups, I can tell you honestly that there are hundreds, if not thousands of scammers with fake profiles (meaning, they stole some innocent and beautiful person’s photos and use them to bait you for attention) and try to get money, sex or both from you. They prey on lonely older people daily and you have to know how to spot them immediately. Once you figure it out, you say adios amigo, block and delete.

The administrators of these groups are volunteers and simply can’t stop every scammer because they are very sneaky and persistent. They can drain your time and energy, as I have been an administrator before. So if you are ever interested in joining such a group, just be aware that probably 1-2% of the people you might chat with are legitimately good people. Many others are there just to poke fun of folks, criticize or start arguments (thus the reason so many are divorced) and just take up your time and energy.

For me, I have plenty of time to play and did a lot of so called, “shopping.” I posted pics and funny posts often, which earns you a lot of attention- mostly from the scammers, but I would comb through the comments and blocked and deleted many guys (majority from Nigeria). Every now and then, I would receive legitimate comments only to find out that most of the men were far away and out of state. But it’s a game, and sometimes fun, and sometimes NOT! I spent many evenings alone combing through comments hoping that sooner or later I would snag a good guy’s eye.

And one day early in June, I did. I posted, “Is there any guy here- 60’s, has hair on his head but not totally covering his face and lives in the US?” I received 82 comments and some people thought it was rude, but I was just stating what I was looking for. One of the reactions I received was from a widower (married 44 years and lost his wife in November 2023). He sent me a private message stating that he did indeed have some hair on his head and clean shaven, however he felt a bit like Pinocchio responding because he lived in another Country (across the border into Canada) and didn’t have a full head of hair.

I never saw his response because it went into a “spam” folder of messenger because it was not from someone I knew (or might know). It sat there for probably a week or more before I figured out I had a shit ton of messages in my spam folder! Probably over 50 at the time and I spent an hour going through them and blocking/deleting most all of them.

At the very bottom of the list (oldest message) was from the widower named Mike and referring to himself as Pinocchio. I laughed out loud when I read his response and thought to myself, he’s honest and funny and a widower is a plus (no bitter ex-wife). He is the only guy I felt was worth a response, so I started digging into his profile.

Here is a quick lesson for anyone that doesn’t know what to look for when trying to identify a scammer from a real honest-to-God profile:

Click on “View profile.” See details like where they live or where they’re from. See “About Info.” Check relationship status if visible. Look who they’re following, what they like and how many friends they have.

Rule of thumb, especially if they have tight security settings:

No profile picture of themselves= NO. Less than 50 friends= NO. On Facebook less than a year= NO. Posts of numerous women showing the “girls” (cleavage galore!!)= BIG NO! No comments on their posts except from scammers asking to be friends or send private messages or asking for WhatsApp number= BIG FAT NO!! ANYONE that asks for money or private information is a NO NO and NO!

Mike’s profile revealed he was a man mourning the loss of his wife, loves sailing and re-enactments on the battlefield, went to college, retired from a good city job and has over 360 friends. He had a friendly smile and a lot of friends comment on his posts. I saw nothing that looked suspicious so I decided I would respond to his message. I explained that his message went to spam and asked him to tell me a little bit about himself.

Let the texting begin! This went on almost every evening, but the biggest problem we have is a 5 hour distance with a border between us. Yes! I was communicating with a “Canuck,” a nickname for Canadians.

After several weeks of texting, we decided it was time to speak on the phone. I was nervous and reluctant, but I was curious about what his voice would sound like after all the communication we had through texting. It turned out to be a wonderful conversation and I was scared for nothing. We did a lot of laughing and we planned to personally meet in the near future at a location between the two of us- Hamburg, NY.

I had a lot of concerns about meeting a total stranger in a place I had never been before, but I had several safety nets in place and it would be in public. I am on Life360 with a family friend, my big sister had my itinerary, I know a Federal Marshall, and I was trained in safety with my past career traveling the US. I made sure he knew how many people were vested in my location.

It was an exciting drive and a beautiful day, I might add. I was feeling a bit nervous, but my gut re-assured me that I was not in danger. It was actually quite exciting.

He was late arriving due to traffic on the QEW (Queen Elizabeth Way) and getting thru the border, but it was a comfortable meet and greet in the hotel lobby. We sat there for over an hour getting to know each other before we ventured a couple of miles down the road to a restaurant we had agreed to eat dinner at.

My sister was waiting for my check-in at the restaurant and he was aware of it, so I did agree to go in his vehicle. All was well, but I wouldn’t recommend doing that unless you have the safety nets that I had in place.

We sat at the bar and had a few beers (wine for me) and then enjoyed a lovely dinner in the dining area over great conversation. The end result of this adventure is that we both enjoyed each other’s company and felt comfortable with meeting each other. I assured him he would not receive any requests for money from me and he assured me he would not request any nude photos from me. LOL! (It’s a joke because everyone on the site is looking to get something from you!!) But NOT joking…

Enjoying meeting each other presented a new problem for us. The geography of our situation is not the greatest, but we were extremely lucky and hit it off, so now we would have to deal with it in the future.

After many more conversations on the phone, I made the decision that I would go to his house instead of giving out my address just yet. I know this idea was a bit crazy (at least my big sister thought so) but I figured my location was on GPS, I could drive home or to a hotel if I was uncomfortable at his townhouse, etc. But you have to admit…CRAZY idea, right?

Well, I did it and I have no regrets. Mike was a complete gentleman. He gave up his bedroom for me to stay in because it had an adjoining door to the bathroom facility. He had put fresh sheets on the bed and clean towels galore. BUT….I didn’t know that his townhouse only had ONE bathroom, which meant we would be sharing it! OMG! I am going to share a bathroom with basically a stranger??

I still laugh out loud when I recall some of the jokes we make now, but it was rather strange in the beginning, I assure you. Think about the reality folks. We are 65 and 68. We all know that our sh!t does stink, but a courtesy flush and some room spray and all is well. LOL!!!

Once I got over this awkward moment of reality, life was just fine during my stay at Mike’s house. In fact, it turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. We shared delicious fresh ground coffee every morning, went on adventures every day, shared dinners and wine (of which several were prepared by Mike!), and sat on his sailboat at his Yacht Club several nights drinking fine rum or ice wine liquors. I met his best friend and many other acquaintances and neighbors. (What better way to learn more about someone you just met?) I saw a live performance of Romeo & Juliet, shopped in quaint and charming towns and ate ice cream and chocolates without caring about the calories- until I returned home of course!!

Now it was Mike’s turn to come to America and visit my neck of the woods. I gave out my address now that I had survived the trip to Canada and lived in his private space for a week. The joke in my family was that they didn’t have to ship me home in a bodybag. Yes, we sometimes have a sick sense of humor.

He cooked for me in my kitchen and I returned the favor, but we also ate out at some of my favorite spots and he even got to meet some of my family. It was over a week we spent together here, which now totalled many dates between Canada and America.

We are now officially a “couple” dating in our 60’s enjoying life after the death of our spouses. We are sharing personal stories and some tragedies, and loving this new chapter of our lives filled with adventure and possibilities. We have planned a trip to Nova Scotia, Halifax and PEI (Prince Edward Island)- all places I have never been to and looking forward to meeting some of his family there. It will be exciting and new and time spent learning more about each other.

I do have to say, not everyone in my world is happy about our meeting. My best friend (of male gender) is very happy for us and will continue to be a friend to both of us, as we have already Facetimed together over cocktails. Family members are fraught with ideas of me changing my citizenship to Canada or moving far away.

I have no idea how we will deal with the distance and the border in the future, but for now, I am enjoying a wonderful friendship with a thoughtful caring man who can cook and do laundry (Bonus! He’s not looking for a Mom!). It is a new relationship with many questions going forward, but we are trying to live in the wonderful present moments without pressure of future decisions. I have no intensions of changing my citizenship, nor does he.

I do have intentions of joining him sailing. I enjoy the waterside life at his Yacht Club. I enjoy going to the theater with him (as he studied Shakespeare and many others). I love his humor and we laugh all the time.

My fears of meeting someone “crazy” are half true, but he is the good kind of crazy that will keep me laughing as long as we are together. He might not make everyone in my circle happy, but as long as he makes me happy, that is all that matters for now.

We are just two people that happened to find each other in the most unlikely way that love sharing time together. I can’t think of anything more enjoyable after what the two of us have both been through. They say time heals, but time spent with someone else that brings joy to your heart is priceless…