brings hope in disguise.

The past ten days for me and my family has brought insurmountable tragedy and pain. We are still agonizing over the loss of our sweet Maddie girl, my beautiful 20 year old Granddaughter- my son’s eldest daughter. Her young sister remains shocked and shaken and probably scarred with some painful memories for a young teenager to carry for life.

I speak often of my family life while I was young and growing into womanhood, especially around the holiday season. It was a time filled with love, laughter, and sometimes hardship, but was nearly perfect in so many ways. With our parents both deceased now, it means more than anything to remain a family of tradition, celebrating life together and giving thanks.

I have explained to my followers how my parents provided festive memories and traditions that four of us siblings have carried on all our lives. We remain close through thick and thin, because in the end, family and a few minutes is all we really have.

Lately I’ve been told that it is rather amazing that with all I have survived over the past 65 years that I remain upbeat, positive and happy. It is true that all of us go through many traumatizing events that may leave scars, some deeper and more profound than others. But with every surviving minute we should be thankful when we wake up and have another go at another day of life. It’s very unfortunate and hard to realize, but many folks don’t have any loving family, traditions or great memories. If you know someone who matches that description, make sure you reach out to them this holiday.

Two of my friends (who happen to be neighbors) have also recently survived the rath of life-changing events. One had a heart attack and one lost her husband. We are here for each other and lend a helping hand when we can. My big sister also had a detached retina and has undergone surgery on her eye. The recovery for this surgery is not pleasant by any stretch of the imagination, but she is a trooper. Our hope is that her vision has been saved and she can lift her head up by Thanksgiving day. One thing we all agree on is that life goes on and we should enjoy every waking minute because one minute later could be too late.

It’s no secret that with our young children and children’s children that they are facing a life that is full of peer pressure. Bullying has become more acceptable and in our face with social media, yet no form of bullying should be tolerated. Drugs are a serious threat in every day life, in the news and affecting more of us in ways we never thought possible. It is increasingly difficult to understand the dark underworld they have created and to prevent our youth from being tempted or sucked into it. No one wants to speak of it for fear that someone will place blame or ridicule them, but I do not fear either. I now have a growing list of young people that have died from drugs or alcohol- most are accidental overdoses. There is no shame and no blame.

As we approach Thanksgiving, please be aware that many of us are sitting down at a table missing loved ones. Whether they died from cancer, in an accident, heart attack, stroke or drugs- they are gone and no one is to blame. No loving parent has ever put the drugs in the hand of a child. The family will suffer endlessly with guilt that shouldn’t be there. Please help them by not blaming anyone. Share with them the good memories of better days. Encourage them to show up at family get-togethers. Love them and cherish that they are still here and YOU can make a difference that could last a lifetime. You might even save a life!

I often speak of hope, but this year it has become a lot more apparent. The reasons are many, but one thing in particular has given me hope for the future. My son is planning to attend our Thanksgiving celebration next week. My youngest granddaughter may also join us for a bit of celebrating. Why is this a big deal you might ask?

During the years I was living in Florida or snow birding (since 2013), I haven’t been part of our family celebrations until last year when I returned to Ohio. But for the first time ever, I might actually see my youngest granddaughter at our celebration- which is hope in disguise. It might just be the beginning of something new and exciting, both for her and for me. It also made me so happy to see my son laughing with his cousins, reminiscing and texting with us.

The other happy note that I can share is that the Canadian man I met and have been seeing for almost 6 months will get to join my family in all its noisiness and craziness for the first holiday ever. If he can survive that, there is hope for us! (Giggling outloud!!)

Although the border presents its challenges, it has not stopped the love and infectious laughter we share together. Perhaps it’s all in a name. We have several Michaels and that should be interesting when we’re all together, but I absolutely love each and all of them!

So my hope for all of you is that out of tragedy, hope still exists and will reach deep into your hearts this holiday season if you too are missing someone terribly. For each of us that has survived, celebrate regardless of loss. Please remember my words… family and a few minutes is all we really have. Make every minute count…

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

is upon us and I have already gained weight!

Why, you ask? Because Canadian Thanksgiving has already come and gone on October 14th. I hosted my boyfriend and two of his Canadian friends at my house for a traditional feast on the 13th. Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy and corn. Don’t forget; pie, pie and more pie with ice cream and then traditional eggnog with plenty of brandy to top it all off! How many calories are in eggnog? Does anyone even know or care???

This gathering was special in several ways. First off, it was the first one for Mike without his late spouse and the main reason I invited him here so he wouldn’t be alone. Second, how many people have had to shop for all your Thanksgiving treats way before the American feast happens in November? I am guessing not many, so let me share the experience.

We went to the main grocery store (Giant Eagle) and the nice lady behind the meat counter looked at me kind of funny when I asked, “Do you have any fresh or frozen turkeys?” Her reply was, “I’m going to have to ask my manager in the back as to when we can expect a delivery.” We both stood there patiently and waited to hopefully hear the answer we wanted.

The answer was “Sometime later in October.” Not going to help us. I was thinking we were going to have to buy a large chicken or two and stuff it, but just then, the manager came out and walked us over to a case with 6 large frozen turkeys in the bottom of it. I was thinking to myself, I wonder if they’ve been in there frozen since last year? Laughing a little, but not funny.

We looked at each other and both thought “Oh well. What the hell.” Mike picked the smallest one at just under 20lbs and hoisted that sucker in the cart. He always says, “Go big or go home!” so there you have it.

Next was the dried bread cubes I always use by Pepperidge Farms to make my stuffing (dressing, for all you non Italians). Could not find any in the usual place by bread crumbs and bread, so I asked an associate near by, “Do you have any Pepperidge Farm bread cubes?”

She gave me a blank stair and replied, “We don’t usually get our supply in until later in October.”

Oh boy. Another strike out, but I turned to Mike and said, “there is always the old fashioned way- buy bread and tear it up into pieces myself and let it dry out for a couple of days.” We decided to try out Walmart before I went that route, and besides, we needed a roaster pan because Mike had forgotten to bring his from home.

We decided to bring the big bird home to my freezer, which had to be rearranged to accommodate his size and then off we went to Walmart. They did not have the bagged bread cubes I needed, but the girl walked us over to the fresh bread area and they had large bags of plain dried bread cubes, which was fantastic to me at that moment. I won’t have to rip up a bunch of bread now, so I’m a happy camper.

Now for the roaster pan. Lord knows, they only sell a pan big enough to accommodate about a 14lb turkey, so bam! Now what? I’ve never been a fan of baking in tin foil pans covered with more foil, but we might not have a choice.

A funny thing happened on the way to the produce section. We walk past a freezer half full of Butterball frozen turkeys and they were all smaller than the beastly bird we had already purchased. I thought Great! I can check with my sister and see if she wants the big bird and we can buy the roaster pan and a 14 pounder. We also saw that they had large electric roaster pans that would cook a big boy up to 25lbs. I had never used an electric roaster, but both my sisters have, so that was also an option. We went home and that evening, I donated the big bird to the American tradition in November for Thanksgiving #2.

The next day we went to Walmart to buy the smaller bird and roaster pan. We looked at each other and said, “Why don’t we just buy the electric roaster and keep the bird we already have?” It would be cheaper to do so and I would have an electric roaster that could be utilized in the future for larger meals. It just sounded like the better plan and we could only hope the big bird tastes good when all is said and done.

So Indian givers that we are now, we claimed back possession of our big bird and brought home a new electric roaster. Now we’re off to purchase pies at Whitehouse Fruit Farm. We couldn’t decide what everyone would want, so we bought 4 different kinds, to which my hips and thighs will feel 0% sorry for my fat ass later in the Holiday season.

One last trip to Walmart (Mike’s least favorite store in the world and this was the 3rd trip now…) and Thanksgiving grocery shopping was complete. All I have to do now is prepare everything for 4 people and figure out what to do with enough left overs to feed a small army. I had invited anyone in my family that wanted to join, but it wasn’t a good weekend for them with other events going on.

Canadian Thanksgiving was a success and our guests were pleased with my selection of bourbons and various other adult cocktails and foods. We made sure we squeezed in everything we could, including a second dinner a day later of leftovers prepared by my house guest, Lori.

The bottom line is this: Mike and I were given two choices when our spouses died. One- you slowly die with them. Two- you live again without them. It is never an easy task for someone who has lived four decades with a spouse to go thru all the firsts alone. I have been married over 4 decades also, just not to the same man, but neither one of us thought we would be living the unchosen single life in our sixties. I have now lived through all the second year of activities without a spouse, with this coming Thanksgiving being the landmark event just before my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Mike will be coming to America so that he can see what getting together with a big family is like and is really looking forward to it. However, it is also the landmark event marking one year that his wife passed on November 29th.

It’s a funny thing to pass all the one year anniversaries only to find you start it all over again in year two. Some say it is far worse the second time around. I don’t agree with that assumption, but then again- all of it is just based on someone’s opinion because life is what WE ourselves make it. If you think it will be worse, it usually is because of your mind set. I chose to write a book, moved home closer to family and put myself out into the world to find love again. Guess what? If you want something bad enough, YOU have to focus on working to get what you want.

Mike and I are both clearly examples of that. We were both tired of being alone every night, especially at dinner time. We met on a 60 and over website and did our cautious exploration of each other. We both took a chance driving to meet each other like two strangers in the night. I took an even bigger risk going to see where he lived in another country, and then decided to let him visit my home. We have both crossed borders and driven extra miles to see each other and we were sure that if nothing else, who wouldn’t want another friend in this world that understands what you’re going through?

But in the end, we got so much more. Cautious and all, we both found more than we bargained for. It may be complicated, but it’s comfortable. It may be too soon, but no time to waste at 65 and over. We both know how true the saying is that tomorrow isn’t promised, yet how many people waste time? Far too many!

We are going into our first holiday season together, and no matter how difficult it may be at times, we are both looking forward to the unknown. We will be crossing the border quite a bit in the next several weeks and creating some new traditions of our own.

One thing is for sure. Both of us got more than a friendship back in the beginning of June when we met. We are best friends now with hopes and dreams of something far better than grief and despair. We both look forward to a new beginning full of laughter and new memories, and in doing so, makes the past just a little bit easier to reflect upon.

In honor of new adventures and subtle beginnings, I want to wish all my readers a happy holiday season, as today is November 1st, the month that we all look forward to sharing time with family and friends. Let your past always be a part of who you are but look forward and open your heart to new and wonderful beginnings! Choose life and love over all other things because in the end, it is all that matters…