and to all a lovely night!

I have always said that the best part of Christmas is the anticipation and pre celebrations. This Christmas it is especially the case for me.

Since moving back home and to the winter weather in the north, I have spent much time purchasing cold weather gear in anticipation of snowy and colder days ahead. I have boots, coats, vests, scarves, hats, gloves, and headbands. I have beautiful sweaters, sweatshirts and plenty of long pants and leggings. I could probably furnish clothing for the cast of Hallmark and I’m broke!

Our first snowfall came this past Monday and it was quite beautiful. It stuck around for a few days, but no chance of a white Christmas at this point with temps trending up in to the 50’s by Christmas day.

I have spent a lot of time with family and it’s been wonderful. We went to see “Straight No Chaser” at the Playhouse- an annual event for my family the past couple of years. We also had a cookie baking day at one of my sister’s houses and had a blast. We were all adorned in the appropriate headbands of reindeer antlers, Santa hats and Elves with bells and laughed a lot, all while listening to everyone’s favorite Christmas tunes. We have spent numerous days shopping, eating out and getting into the holiday spirit. We also had a baby shower for a cousin and how wonderful it was to see my Aunt Rosie after so many years and many of my cousins! How sweet it is!

But after the baby shower, I started experiencing some symptoms of a head cold. Long story short, I ended up getting Covid for Christmas. It led me to an exciting evening to my local Hospital- which is quite nice I might add- but I could have lived without a tour of the ER. As it turned out, my tachycardia lead me to to a CAT scan and I had pneumonia in my right lung.

So Christmas gatherings were canceled, as a few other family members have also received the same gift from the public that I did. So here I sit on Christmas Eve wishing friends and family a Merry Christmas safely from my phone. I feel much better, but have a follow up appointment with my Doctor a few days after Christmas. I have many questions regarding my hearts ability to beat at 156 beats/min and needing a shot of Adenosine to shock it back to normal. At least they didn’t have to literally shock me with the paddles! I was wondering why all the staff were clapping when my heart went back to a normal beat, but they were happy they didn’t have to shock me. (It’s a good thing I didn’t understand exactly what was happening at that moment or I’d probably still be traumatized.)

So a little Covid, a bit of pneumonia and a rapid heart beat caused a surge of excitement, but all is well. I found out how wonderful and considerate my new neighbor is, as she got a call from me out of the blue that evening to ask for help. It was going on 11:00pm when they decided to release me and she was my only possible ride. She came in her jammies with a warm coat and picked me up at the ER doors. “It’s OK” I said. “I’m in my jammies too, only I don’t have a coat.” The car was warm and I was safely in my bed before midnight. She has checked on me ever since. What a sweetheart!

We canceled our New Year’s Eve outing because no one was sure how anyone would feel, but I am quite sure there will be some celebrating eventually. You see- it just doesn’t matter when plans get changed and rearranged; as long as you all wake up to a brand new day and a second chance.

I have learned so many powerful lessons over the past year. As I approach the one year mark that my late husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I have learned that we are all stronger than we ever think we are. I know that happiness can exist no matter how difficult the road may be to find it- you just have to want it bad enough to go after it. I understand what many folks are going thru as they are alone after loss of a loved one. I get how family can pull you out of an ugly place and help you get up and on your feet again. I know that renewed old friendships can build your strength and give you new hopes and dreams. I know that life is hard and there are many ups and downs, but as long as you have breath and life, it is the greatest gift we will ever receive. I know that I have picked some great friends in my lifetime that are still there for me and others will fade away.

But don’t forget…tomorrow is never promised. Make it a great holiday no matter if you’re happy right this minute or not, because as long as you are still here plugging away, there is always the hope of a brand new day and another chance of happiness for the taking.

Now go make yourself a hot chocolate, spike an eggnog, fix a glass of your favorite holiday cheer this evening and toast to new beginnings. Eat, drink and be Merry with your friends, family or all alone. Feel the reason for the season in your hearts and be glad. Sometimes you just have to create your own cheer. I have gotten really good at it!

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

begins the anticipation of traditions, festivities and fun! This year is especially anticipated because I live back home surrounded by my family. I am honestly like a child this year yearning to see everything and anything that resembles Thanksgiving or Christmas, and savoring every morsel I can get!

As you all know, this has been a year of change for me, starting with my husband’s unexpected passing in January. I made the spontaneous decision to move back to Ohio in the summer, once I realized that living in Florida year-round alone wasn’t going to work for me. It was a lot of work to stage my home, sell it, pack it up and arrange for moving up north. I wasn’t even sure if I would find the right place at the right price at the time I did it. You also know that I had family I could count on once I arrived safely up north, so I took the chance and did it!

They helped me to find my wonderful condo; I bought it and moved into it before fall. The work it took to accomplish all of this is in my rearview mirror and I’m not looking back. I just know I am stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. There should be some kind of reward for this sort of thing, right? I’m here to speak of such rewards, and it’s not something that will sit on a shelf and collect dust.

The first reward came in the form of self gratification after self preservation. It is the unbelievable feeling of accomplishment that I saved myself from the misery of living alone in a house that would have eventually sucked up my resources (and my energy) with constant maintenance in a hot weather climate. That accomplishment is realized every single time I walk into my home now and drive thru my beautiful small-town community. It fills my heart to know that I made this all happen and I did it on my own. It has empowered me. I have felt comfortable here since day one because I am home.

The second reward was reuniting with friends and family in a way that I can only describe as euphoric. Each time I go to lunch or dinner (or anywhere) with a sister, an old friend, a cousin, etc., I feel explicit joy. I can only say this about that; We have all witnessed a family member’s serious illness, complications and death in some fashion. It’s the worst part of life when we are faced with death and its aftermath, but that is part of life. We all must bare it in some way and move on- or I should say- live on. Nobody has to move anywhere, but it’s traumatic, painful and depressing, and affects us all in different ways. Greif and tragedy is unique to each one of us.

As our family shrinks over the years, it also grows. It grows with children or grandchildren, or sometimes- just through the heart with the memories we hold near and dear. For me, the holidays that are steeped in traditions is like the tree of life in our family and has renewed my vow to live on. Moving back to where my roots are has given me the greatest gift of life and strength to get over the ugliness of the past.

The third reward I shall speak of comes from viewing this holiday season with child-like eyes. I desire to live each and every moment with great anticipation. I don’t want to miss anything by jumping right to the crescendo of any event. I want to savor each and every gathering that leads to that high point. Looking at my calendar, I see each and every one of these smaller, intimate events as the soul of Christmas. Some are new activities and some are traditional, but as my calendar grows full; so does my heart!

Decorating my new place is my next reward. My nephew on his first visit to my condo asked me where I was going to put my Christmas tree. I have a beautiful open sunroom that he thought would make the perfect spot for a big tree! I also have a beautiful large window in my living room that I suggested as an alternate spot. He then says, “Well Aunt Lorraine, you can always have two trees!” So, of course I solved that issue by purchasing a second little tree. Thank you for your input, my dear nephew. Thanks to my little sister’s annual gifts of Wendall August ornaments thru the years, I have dedicated that smaller tree for just those special ornaments. It is also flocked with snow because it is appropriate now that I live in a 4 season state. In Florida, you would never see a snow-covered tree! Nope…

Thanksgiving is this week and I will be seeing most of my family at both of my sister’s homes. We have planned the menus and the festivities will begin soon, but the anticipation of it all is what drives me to write. I want to watch it all unfold in slow motion. That is the greatest reward of all is to savor these moments that live on long after our parents have departed this earth. My siblings are the best gift my parents ever gave to me. We take the good and the bad, and roll it all together to make the glue that has held our family together.

If you are missing some of your family members this holiday (and I know many of you are), try to open your hearts and let them speak through the love of memories and traditions. My family is a great example of how love can grow after tragedy. Terrible diseases can ravage the body or the minds of our loved ones and steel them from us physically, but they can never take them from our hearts.

My sisters just took me to one of their favorite little places over the weekend (off the beaten path, I might add). We spent the night there and had an exceptionally fun time together. We made it a point to toast to our wonderful parents, who must have been smiling that their three girls were all together again laughing like children. We laughed so hard that night, enjoyed a few spirited cocktails (because no one was driving), a wonderful dinner and good music from a favorite trio of musicians that have become good friends.

This is what life can offer for anyone that seeks joy after tragedy. It is the greatest gift of all, my dear readers and friends!!!

My Mother and Grandmother both loved Thanksgiving because of the memories they held dear of family gatherings, long after many loved ones departed. Their traditions live on in my family and I am now back to behold the sights and sounds of the holidays. You all know how I speak fondly of my childhood, and now- because I was brave enough to take on a big move and huge changes in my life- I will experience it again with my siblings. I can honestly say that I am like a child again, as I anticipate this holiday season.

What better way to experience Christmas, than through the eyes of a child? If that was a Christmas wish, then it is coming true for me! It’s not as hard as you think to make that wish come true. You just have to believe in the magic of tradition and family, but it helps to be home together with each other.

I cannot fail to mention that there are some friends in Florida that I will truly miss seeing this holiday. Our last Thanksgiving together with some of these folks was the last one I prepared in my Florida home, and just before my husband’s health rapidly declined. It would be the the last time that he enjoyed a holiday. By Christmas, he was dying rapidly of small cell neuroendocrine carcinoma and diagnosed as terminal. By New Years, he was in the hospital and the cancer had spread almost everywhere in his body. It wasn’t long after that and Hospice would guide me thru his last days of life. 50 days from diagnosis to death.

What would you do if you knew you only had 50 days to live? It’s a blink of an eye for the patient. It’s a lifetime to the family. I mention this only to remind us all how precious life is. Others don’t get a warning, they are simply gone in an instant.

I have several friends and family members that are cancer survivors. Ask any one of them how precious life is. My big sister is one of them. Her daughter is one of them. The list goes on and on, but each and every one of us could be one of them.

Do not wait till you get sick before you wished you had lived more life. This is the very reason I live with a renewed excitement for every day and view each holiday as a gift.

So please join me this year and celebrate life during the season of lights and joy! Be thankful for another chance to act like a kid again. Decorate the house, make the cookies, roast the turkey, drink the spirits, eat the desserts and don’t think about the calories! If we’re lucky enough to see snow (YES, snow can be fun for all the kill joys out there!) build that snowman, make that snow angel, take your grandchildren sledding and I’ll make the hot chocolate with lots of marshmallows! Take a drive to see the Christmas lights, enjoy “Cookie day” (I sure plan to!), make a yule log (we might attempt one this year!), and have an eggnog or two. Don’t forget to spike it a bit with your favorite flavor of booze. Watch your favorite movies or join me for a Hallmark marathon while it snows! Live a little and laugh a lot!!

DO NOT worry about spending money you don’t have because that is NOT what the holidays are about. Build the memories, create the traditions, celebrate your family and friends because that is the GIFT of the season!

The gift of life and second chances- that is my reward!

Below are just a few of my special gifts. An early present from little sis- a holiday season purse.

Just one of several holiday leggings. (I have jammies too!)

My Wendall August tree (couldn’t wait till my fall decorations came down. It is new and, of course- you have to try it out to make sure the lights work….right???

Just a few samples of my holiday spirited cocktails and winter clothing.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!

was not quite what I expected.

I have been back home in Ohio since the end of July. It took me a couple of months to get settled into my house and community and then I began to explore around the area. I have enjoyed going places and doing things with my sisters and they have certainly kept me busy. It’s been a great 3 months and I feel like I am home. But nagging in the back of my brain was visiting a place I called home for 25 years.

I finally did it. I worked up the courage to make a Facebook post (which, evidently, was virtually seen by no one except a few critics of my word “impromptu”), and at the last minute, I made overnight accommodations at The Spitzer House. I wanted the freedom to go where I wanted and see who I wanted with no explanations and no obligations. I only made plans to see a couple of people- and anyone else I would have seen, would be a bonus!

I packed up an overnight bag, filled my car with gas, and off I went on a dreary and rainy morning. It was actually good for bringing out the color of the leaves and traffic was very light- so no complaining. The light drizzle stopped about half way there.

I had a lot of time to think as I was making the drive and many good memories were filling my head. By the time I reached Sully’s for lunch with my friend and colleague, I couldn’t wait to see her! We had a lovely time for about two hours talking about life, love and loss before it was time for me to go.

Next up, was one of the places I worked for several years to see my old boss and a co-worker. It was another wonderful visit for almost two hours before I had to leave to check into the B&B.

The Spitzer House is an award winning house that was built in 1890 and extremely close to my evening destination- The Corkscrew Saloon. However, you must know, that it is well known to be crazy haunted! Especially two rooms that are noted to have a couple of Inn resident spirits.

One of those two rooms has the most stories- Ceilan’s room. The home was built for General Milo Spitzer and it is said that the general still inhabits this old room.

Ceilan’s room was my room for the night! So that’s exciting, right? Also; the bathroom is NOT inside the room, but rather, across the hall behind a secret door! I had no idea this was the case until I entered my room for the first time and found no bathroom when I needed one. I then opened the letter that was included with my directions to get inside the house with a code and read highlighted in green how to enter my private bath across the hall. You simply press to the left of the statue on the wall and voila! That’s kind of cool.

Now, I am up for a challenge, but I learned very quickly that the floor creaks extremely loud with every single step you take- every move you make. Also, the hidden door has a distinctive creek as you push it opened because there is an old spring that will automatically close the door once you let go of it! It sort of sounds like that noise you hear in every single haunted house you have seen in the movies- and I’m not kidding!

I am not sure what time I will return to my room, but I said out loud the first time I stood there in the hall trying to figure out this whole bathroom hidden door gig “this should be very interesting in the middle of the night when I have to pee!”

Without hesitation, I returned to my room, looked into the mirror and said, “What the hell- it’s only one night.”

I planned to get to the Corkscrew by five o’clock, but no need sitting in this bedroom- just me and the general hanging out, so I grabbed my key, the letter with the code and off I went.

The owner of the restaurant met me at the door when he saw me coming and gave me a big hug, but also told me “I didn’t know you were coming.” I explained I really had no plan, but I did post it on Facebook almost a week in advance for my close friends to see it and plan ahead for it. His response was “I didn’t see it.”

Anyway, my favorite bartender was working and we embraced and it felt so good to say “I’ll have my usual Rose.” I chuckled after I said it, and then followed up with “if you can remember what my usual is.” We both laughed, but, of course she remembered! Every great bartender knows what her patrons drink and she is certainly one of the best!

At this time, I texted two people to see if they could join me for a cocktail at the CS- which is what the locals know it as. It seems as though, they didn’t see my post either. Neither one of them were coming to join me. Surely- someone saw my post! Right? I did get some comments on the post and “likes”, so I figured someone would show up- right?

Well, wrong! No one showed up. So challenge number 2: how to sit in your old neighborhood bar by yourself when you were hoping to see some old friends. Challenge accepted! I had two of my usual cocktails and a BLT flatbread (totally yummy, by the way) and talked to several patrons as they came and went. But, it was a Tuesday and a bit on the slow side.

I love to sip bourbon on ice, and so what better way to sooth the pain of this challenge? I ordered Eagle Rare (my favorite and one of the best) over ice, and I knew my evening was about to get better, because bourbon makes everything better! Or at least tolerable.

The gentleman sitting one barstool to the left of me with his lady friend would talk with me every now and then, and also, a gentleman by himself at the end of the bar closest to my right. I ordered a second bourbon- this time, I tried Bulleit. After Eagle Rare, it was just not right for me, so I offered it to the gentleman at the end of the bar. He gladly accepted and we chatted about bourbon.

So another Eagle Rare and shots with my two bartender friends. Eventually, I sat with the lady and the gentleman and showed them one of my reasons I returned to this bar. October 20th, 2010 was the date my late husband and I met at this very bar and these people were sitting exactly where we sat. Almost 13 years later, here I am with two total strangers sharing some pictures that popped up in my memories. He was a widower and she was a good friend. I only know them as Linda and Jim. That is; if my bourbon brain remembers correctly!

It was time for me to go. To stay any longer would have meant not being able to get back to my haunted room safely- and God knows, I don’t want to miss out on that excitement!

To my amazement, the gentleman that I remember as Jim told Rose after I said to cash me out (as they were doing the same) that he would like to pay for it all. My first and immediate response was. “I don’t think you want to do that. I have been drinking very good bourbon!” His response was, “I do want to do that” and he reiterated to Rose that he wanted to cover us all.

Well, how kind and generous was that? I have no idea what my bill was, but thank you again kind Sir (if you’re reading this) for your generosity and your friendship on that weird and crazy night that I thought I would be hanging out with some friends!

I realized when I stood up that I had reached my limit. Off to the B&B I went and drove right past it! Ooops! A short drive around two blocks and I was right where I needed to be- again. I used my phone to see the code pad on the external door and then banged right into the second doors internally! Yep. I came in with a bang!

So now that everyone is up, I creaked all the way up the winding cherry wood staircase to the general’s room and fumbled with the key to open the door. The first thing I did was throw my purse onto the bed hoping not to slap the general in the face and headed across the hall for the adventurous bathroom.

My tooth brush and things were still in the bedroom. That would mean another trip back and forth. I changed into my nightgown and crawled into my bed, which was very comfortable and smelled fresh and clean. I did not hear any strange noises. In fact, it was so silent, that I knew, I must have woke everyone one up because no one was snoring.

I set my alarm, checked my phone and was laying there in the silence. I am not sure how long I was laying there before pee #2 entered my brain. No! I just can’t– I thought to myself when the general pushed me out of my bed. Light went on, I grabbed the key (just wanted to make sure that I could get back into my room) and again, entered the creaking zone of my hidden bathroom. I sat there wanting to giggle out loud (I may have, now that I’m thinking about it…)

I made it safely back to my bed, but not sure I locked the door. Got up and nope! Door was unlocked. So I lock it and got back into bed.

Pee #3 occurred sometime after 3am. I am quite sure my neighbors will never stay at this place again. If the train didn’t keep them up- I surely did.

It was at this time that my headache started and I knew I had ibuprofen in my purse. All I had to do was find the little container in the bottom of my purse, but I would first have to tip toe over to the desk where I think my purse is. Turned the light back on and I don’t see my purse (it’s black, making it harder to locate it.) Well, after knocking my clothes that were on the back of the chair onto the floor, I finally saw my purse sitting in the chair, so I delicately picked it up and took it to my bed.

Found the pills after some digging, but now my water is on the desk. I can see it, but I have to walk across the floor again! I felt pretty confident that I was done moving in this room. I will now return to sleep and hopefully, everyone else will too.

After taking the pills with all that water, pee #4 occurred at around 5am.

OMG! I am quite sure after my not-so-quiet stay in this room, that the general decided to sleep with someone else that night! He may not even live there anymore! But, you know what? It’s not my fault that you don’t offer an in-suite bathroom for crying out loud!

Day 2 was very nice. The sun was shining, the temperature was perfect, I walked around the square and got to visit with a store owner that I have known since the day she opened almost 25 years ago at the Gardner’s Cottage. We talked, I shopped and hugged goodbye.

Next was cupcakes and coffee. Then I was off to spend the rest of the afternoon with our neighbor and good friend across the street where we used to live. I hated seeing what the new owners have done to our beautiful property, but I loved spending time with our friend.

All in all, my trip back to Medina taught me about life, friendships, and what home really means. I don’t call this place home anymore. Some of my friendships will change, and some may even disappear. My new home is somewhere else now, but true friends will always find a way to be in your life, and making new friends is wonderful!

One thing I know for sure; I will no longer dread the “first” trip back to Medina anymore. It’s in the past and it was actually fun. I no longer have that heavy feeling in my chest to see where I used to live and my friends and neighbors are still in my heart.

I would give the Spitzer house a good review, however, they may not like me very much and might not want me back…

Still laughing about everything falling off the chair onto the floor at 3am, but look at it this way…maybe the ghosts have left the building…

I really don’t have a story or a lesson to share, I simply want to write today to uplift my spirits and anyone else that perhaps needs a little uplifting. It is a cloudy and chilly 53 degrees today and I love to write, so what better time to do it.

The grief site I have been a part of went thru a weird transformation over the last weekend because one person caused an uproar. The admins shut the site down for several days to access the situation and it’s back on track this week. It made me pause and think that one person can really rock the boat and cause everyone else to sit still holding their breath in hopes they don’t go under because of one person’s selfish actions.

The site is more about growing and moving forward with life after loss, which is what attracted me to it in the first place. I have a strong need to move forward, and that is because my situation is very different than others and difficult to explain. The point is; there is no need for me to explain it to anyone, and that is not being selfish. I am healing from trauma and not asking for anyone else to “hold their breath,” I am simply making decisions that suit me best and won’t affect anyone else.

So how do you find happiness after surviving on a sinking ship? My life is geared towards finding that happiness, and so far, so good!

The first and biggest step for me was moving from the place that was filled with worry, sadness and concern to a place that felt comfortable and close to my immediate family. We can never truly eliminate worry and concern, so I focused on getting rid of the sadness. My family has replaced the sadness I carried in my heart with an unbelievable happiness that I haven’t felt in years! Dining together, talking, planning future events and holidays have been euphoric! And the shopping- well everyone needs a little retail therapy now and then, but I need to put the brakes on that a bit after our last trip to the mall. But, oh my, did we have fun and contribute to our area’s economy!

The second hurdle (concern) I face is winter. I haven’t lived in winter weather for over 10 years, but I am thinking positive thoughts and making it fun. I have been truly enjoying Fall colors and buying things like boots, coats, sweatshirts, gloves, etc. I also don’t complain about the weather like people that have been here their whole lives often do- because I am seeing Ohio thru a new set of eyes. I feel alive and well and nothing will change that no matter where I live- positive is positive. Would I love to eliminate cloudy or rainy days? No! I want them ALL– good or bad! They all serve a purpose and I want every minute of every day! Every state has good ones and bad ones. Ohio has winter and Florida has summer. I prefer to be inside for both, so it doesn’t really make much difference to me.

The biggest difference for me is Family is here.

I couldn’t afford the town I lived in for 25 years, and finding an affordable condo during a crazy housing market wasn’t an easy task. But the outcome was far more than what I could have ever imagined! I picked a place I knew little to nothing about based on what I remembered from 30 years ago. A small (six and one half square miles) very quaint, historical area filled with street lamps downtown and lush, green hillsides and farms all around it. My sisters were my eyes and ears for the transaction and I purchased it sight unseen. I am living proof that you can take chances and come out ahead. I love my home and my sisters had my back! They both agree that my home could not suit me better.

So what is left to tell? I have moved on from a dark place in my life to a brand new place filled with new hopes and dreams. My love for life is still alive and well. I have learned that sadness is all around us every day. It is consuming for many, yet, I find it peaceful to know it and move away from it. You can never fully eliminate sadness from your life, but if you learn to embrace the possibilities that grow from it, you can find happiness again.

My little sister said something to me last weekend that made me realize something greater about myself than I ever knew before. She told me that after I lost so much in the great recession and survived from all of it, she never really doubted for a second that I could handle this move on my own and put all the darkness in the rearview mirror. My sisters both had more faith in me than I had in myself after my darkest hours. It proves to me that one of the very reasons we can survive so much sadness in life, is that we have each other to lean on.

The foundation we grew up on was built by a strong family that could face anything together. Our parents were the greatest and are remembered with such love and grace by all who knew them. I owe my strength, my will and my determination to my loving parents and I could not be happier than having my siblings to walk thru this life with!

So that is it for today. If you are sad, lonely or doubting your future- just know you are not alone. We have more strength and determination than we ever give ourselves credit for. Take it from me- someone who has had a strong foundation to build on- that we all have what it takes to be happy. We just need the desire to get there and a little support from family or friends. If you don’t have a supportive family, then you need to build a new foundation with those that will help you.

Happy trails folks and have a wonderful day…

after losing our “person” is no easy task. I have been a part of an online grief group since February and have become somewhat of a support system for those who are afraid to speak up. (That is the only reason I’m still in it.) I am, in a sense, the voice of reason for some of these folks. You all know that I speak only the truth with humor, and of course, served up with a side of sarcasm.

If you have lost a spouse/partner or family member, this blog is for you, because I am about to share some cold hard facts. You may not agree with me, but I am going to share what I have discovered. Not just personally, but through the eyes and voices of many others that are in the same position and afraid to speak. The sarcasm meter might read a bit high today, so you have been warned if this is a trigger subject. This is not a humorous blog entry.

First off, when my Grandmother told me many years ago that no one knows what goes on behind closed doors- she couldn’t have been more right.

Long before your person is diagnosed with a terminal illness, there is a secret life between you and your partner that no one ever knows about. Do you think for one moment that what you have seen and heard is the whole story? It’s not. You are only seeing what they let you see and hear. So, long before the diagnoses, people have already pre-determined how these two people should act once the fact becomes known to friends and family that someone is dying.

What I’m trying to say is; prepare for judgment day! You will be judged for everything you do and don’t do, and that is just life and the nature of people.

Once your person has been diagnosed and you go into disbelief mode together trying to prepare for the inevitable, everyone applauds your positivity, strength and determination. You have no choice in this matter, but you suddenly become a full time care-taker, financial planner, manager, specialist (yes, you have to learn all the proper terminology, drugs, side effects, learn to administer them and oxygen, etc., )

Congratulations. You have become a full time nurse and the family’s hero. They all go about their lives with work, church, children, grandchildren and thank you for taking good care of their loved one (all by yourself, in many cases). If you have a heart, it’s your duty to escort your person from this life to the next step and you do it with honor and dignity no matter what your relationship was like together.

In my case, there were honors in both civilian and military life while he was still alive. There was also the planning for interment in a National Cemetery up North with honors, so he received honors while he was alive, and again, after death, because we planned it that way and I followed thru with it. However, I am not doing a celebration of life (which was my thought- never his.) It would only end up being a drink fest, and that can happen without me, but back to my point.

You will receive phone calls, cry many tears, discuss arrangements and reminisce. Not once during this time does anyone have anything bad to say about your diligence in taking care of your person. They are just grateful you are doing it.

Fast forward to 10 or 12 months later. You have now reached judgement day with every decision you make and are in no way prepared for what’s to come.

How do I know this? I hear others speak about it every single day. I am also experiencing it. My little sister’s best friend is living it after a tragic loss of her Son. No one is exempt from this experience.

Let me just run down a few things you will be judged on, in case you don’t know or understand what I am referring to:

When is the last time you called the deceased person’s family? (Think about how many times you ever spoke to them before your person’s death?)

Have you visited their gravesite or why are you there all the time? (Why does this matter to anyone else?)

Did you see what he/she is always posting on Facebook? (Did they ever care before?)

What is he/she doing with the deceased member’s money and/or personal belongings? (If you inherited everything- it’s your stuff now and do whatever you must with it.)

Why is he/she doing whatever they’re doing? (Absolutely no ones’ business, so don’t waste your time trying to please anyone else.)

Can you believe he/she sold the house, or car, or anything else of value? (You have your reasons and never have to explain them to anyone.)

Trust me, this list goes on and on, but I don’t want to dig in too deep.

What do you think every Widow/Widower’s number one question is in the group and most criticized action when they finally do it?

“How soon can you start seeing someone, especially if you have children?”

Yes! This is the most asked question in a group of grieving people beyond a shadow of a doubt. Sad, but true. Is this what keeps people up at night?

I have provided answers numerous times to people that are afraid to have a companion, or God forbid- a sex life after death of your partner. In some cases, it has been several years for these people and they live in depression and loneliness because others have shamed them or guilted them.

My answer is short and to the point: Whenever it feels right to YOU!

Why do people let their children become the professional counselors of their love lives? Why do the children suddenly become experts in the area of your loneliness and when it’s appropriate for you to date someone? When did it become okay for others to be all up in your financial business? Why do your friends become experts in the field of grief and how long you should do it? Why does your deceased spouse’s friends or family suddenly know what’s best for you when they never did before? They don’t even know what your relationship was really like behind those closed doors. It’s actually quite disturbing and borderline abusive in my opinion.

You have watched your person die. You have arranged to bury him/her. You have dealt with everything imaginable and unimaginable, and mostly on your own. But suddenly, everyone else knows what’s best for you.

I will only say this once, so I hope anyone else that needs to hear it is paying attention;

No one knows what your life was truly like before your person died, and they certainly aren’t going to understand it any better once they’re buried or spread out over some mountain range or an ocean.

There is only ONE person that knows what is BEST for you- that is YOU!

Do yourself a huge favor and LIVE your life. I promise in the end when it’s your turn to be laid to rest or sprinkled somewhere that no one is going to give a damn about any of the things that you did or didn’t do- unless it involves what you left them in your will. Nothing else matters if it doesn’t affect them.

Just for the record; I will begin dating when I decide it’s right for me. I moved because it was right for me. I do not like visiting gravesites because their spirit is not there. I don’t worry about what it looks like because a National Cemetery is kept pristine (in my case). You don’t visit a grave because it’s good for anyone else- it’s your personal decision.

Death is similar to divorce in some ways. Eventually, everyone picks a side, and your side is always with your immediate family and good friends, not the other way around. And it doesn’t really matter how long you were married/together, that is just the way it always is folks, but this is my opinion.

This is so disheartening for so many people who have already had to deal with the worst thing we ever face in life; death. Why will no one speak up for themselves?

I have chosen to speak up for myself and for those that cannot find their voice to do so.

We have but one life to live, and after seeing death up close and personal, most of us choose to LIVE as much as time will allow. Being happy and healthy will only lead you to a better life to live, so choose to BE HAPPY.

Go wherever you want. Do whatever you want, be with whoever you choose. And most of all, YOU choose WHEN and IF the time is right for you to do anything. No one has the right to make decisions for you and don’t let anyone make you feel bad for the ones you make. Grief is ours to deal with and no one can decide for you how to deal with it.

The person left behind is the only decision maker of his or her life. It’s just that simple. There is no right or wrong way, just your way.

My hope is that anyone dealing with anything like I have described will find their own voice and find peace and happiness for as long as you live.

has not been an easy task since January when my spouse died. I have been here to share the realities of life after death, but there is so much more than meets the eye.

It’s called reality.

I am going to share some things about myself- the Writer, the Widow and some secrets!

Let’s talk about the Widow:

First off, I have decided that I no longer wish to be called a “Widow.” I have always hated spiders and the word makes me shutter just thinking about the implication! I know that I have to check off the box next to this complicated state of singlehood- not by choice and nothing of my own doing got me where I am- yet the government has labeled us as such on certain forms. However, once they are able to tax you as “Single” status, they pretty much wipe their hands clean of the term, but somehow, we are still stuck with it.

I have been on my own now financially, mentally, physically and in every other sense of the word, “Single.” I make all the decisions, complete all the tasks, moved my @ss from one end of the country to the other completely alone. I think that qualifies me as single. So anyone else out there that has been widowed and hates the word as much as me- just drop the word! We are single people. Period- the end. Alone and on our own. Doesn’t matter how we got here.

Next, let’s talk about my writing:

I am writing for the first time- a fiction book based on true events. I am also writing for the first time in third person. I am the narrator existing outside the events of the story. This is not as easy as some people may think and has presented it’s challenges to me. It is taking me longer, but it’s starting to click. Conversations between characters are still a challenge, but I am enjoying this new-found talent that writers possess bringing the reader vividly into their character’s lives and conversations. It’s fascinating!

The inspiration for the story is based on true events and I cannot reveal any part of that to you. Well, at least not while I am writing, but maybe someday. But here is a little secret…

I wrote my very first love scene! I consider this a new talent. I am able to write a steamy love scene for most mature audiences. Terminology is such, that your teenage daughter can read it without any vulgarity, yet, enough detail to stir the emotions and curiosity of a young man or woman. The bottom line is, your teenage son or daughter would find this book to be quite interesting, and so would you! I have tested it on a few people, and they could not agree more.

This journey is still at the beginning stages, but I am excited to share, that if all goes well, this could be a trilogy and book one of three is going pretty good, so far. I am encouraged, but the task is still a bit overwhelming.

There will be young love, life challenges, followed by some very surprising and extreme twists and turns- all of which I am not at liberty to discuss yet. But, if you have followed my blog for years, or you are a brand new reader; hold onto your seats because the best is yet to come! The ending is a work in progress, and I have not decided what fate the two main characters will meet, and that is what is so exciting! I don’t know the ending yet, but I am loving the story.

Discovering who I am has been exhausting at times, yet, exciting. “I am a writer.” I am a “work in progress.” I have learned that every challenge I have faced cannot erase who I’ve always been- a strong-willed and determined woman that won’t take a disaster or a disappointment as an unhappy ending.

A disaster is just the beginning…and I am able to choose the ending…

The Confucius quote is, “Wherever you go, go with all your heart.”

A friend of mine just asked me recently how I was doing after my big move to Ohio. My response was, “Best decision I ever made!” I am doing quite well folks.

My friend’s question got me thinking, as another friend of mine was recently in the middle of a life changing move, just how mind blowing a move can be.

There is so much stress usually involved; getting rid of your old place (regardless of selling or renting- it’s a big job!), deciding how to move your stuff or who will move it for you, packing up all your stuff, figuring out if it will fit into what you plan on moving it in, and of course- what to get rid of so you don’t have to move ALL your stuff!

Then there is the stress on the other end. Where are you moving all that stuff to? Who’s going to help you on that other end? Closing on a house or renting, unpacking all your stuff and trying to make your next place into a comfy cozy home. I could go on and on. Anyone that has made a major move (or even a smaller move) across the country or up the street- It all SUCKS! I did it 21 times prior to what I pray is the last one. 22 moves is more than most military folks I know!

But let me tell you what made this move the best one and why I am doing well.

I moved back to where my roots are. I am driving around in familiar territory, even though I’m about 30 minutes from where I grew up. (I still need a GPS since it’s been over 30 years on these back roads!) The very best part of it all is that I have my family close by and I have begun to live again after going thru a horrible experience. All the stress of isolation and loneliness have evaporated into thin air and I am smiling more every day with plans for get-togethers, sitting around a firepit, shopping, eating out at some cool places, etc.

For me, this move has been life saving and has given me hope for the future. It has given me freedom from yardwork and taking care of an in-ground pool. It saved me from the stress of pre-hurricane jitters and dealing with stocking up on non-perishable foods, water and batteries in anticipation of no electricity. It has spared me from numerous excessively hot days. (I know this because I still get alerts on my phone from the county I used to live in!)

There are some glitches (like losing the remainder of this original story into thin air!) but that is why I will continue with changing up my life story. I will not be discouraged.

I used to constantly talk about moving back to an idyllic town in Ohio that I lived in for almost 25 years. I thought I could possibly make it happen, but it had become unaffordable for me, and condos were at a premium price- and usually outdated. Apartments and renting was also out of control. So, why was I so fixated on this place I used to call home? It is not where I was born or raised.

It was about the people more than it was ever about the place- that’s why! But the more I thought about this, the more I realized that the people I had spent most of my time with there were the people that “we” were friends with. Now that it is just “me”, I am more content with my family- sisters, brother, cousins and old friends. It is always about the “people” in your life- not so much the place.

I picked a little big city (I refer to it as the Little Big Town) and it is also idyllic in many ways. I am in an area that is more hilly than I remembered, and very luscious and green countryside everywhere you look. I get held up often by the train or by the tractors, but it doesn’t affect me much because I am still retired- for now. The downtown streets are lined with street lamps (y’all know how much I love that!) and everything I need is close by, which will help me in the winter- cause y’all know I haven’t seen one since 2012! I also heard a man refer to the ladies behind the counter at the shoe store as “Yinz” (pronounced yoonz), a Pittsburgh dialect found up here in the north- used for the plural of you all or the Southern English y’all.

I can go to a farmer’s market every single day. I can find a craft fair every single weekend. Wineries are plentiful and I have bigger towns all around me that I can visit, but don’t deal with all their traffic near my home. My condo is spacious, beautiful and has been updated- all for a reasonable price- and sits in a scenic, lamp lit, hillside location. What’s not to love?

I do believe that I have found a perfect little paradise to enjoy and all that life has left to offer me! It is my new favorite place to be and I no longer constantly yearn to go back to the town I used to love. I will visit eventually (because of the people), but I am currently making new friends, enjoying my family and looking forward to seeing some old friends!

The “glitch” in my original story has forced me to write a new one. I am happy so far with the way it is unfolding.

The bottom line is…and my new quote: “If you bring your heart to a new place, happiness will be sure to follow you!”

Hi folks! I’ve missed you!

I officially closed on my condominium on Monday July 10th while dog sitting in Wisconsin. Those that follow my blog know how that proved to be quite the test of wit and determination after Truist Bank refused to do a wire transfer with my money. It was resolved with no help from Truist and funds transferred.

Prior to my long drive home from Wisconsin, Cheryl and Dave hosted a Key West reunion of friends that were within a drivable distance to their house. It was a much anticipated event for all 9 of us and well worth the wait! Sailor Fred and Diane made it down from Copper Harbor in the UP, Bonnie made it in from the Milwaukie area, Cheryl and Dennis came, and of course, Ronnie B, the traveling man- made it too. We squeezed in as much as we could (the boys even got a flight in Dave’s airplane, while the girls did a little shopping) and we ate, drank and laughed- a lot! Sailor Fred turned the hands of time with a birthday that was happily celebrated by all of us with some singing and yummy cupcakes. (Because who doesn’t love cupcakes?!) I loved every minute of time with these great people because, sadly, someone else may be missing the next time we have another reunion (3 of us are no longer a couple and celebrating solo).

As my time with Cheryl, Dave and Dexter was coming to an end, I felt many emotions. First- they are truly the best of the best when it comes to friends. Second, I was fake Mom to Dexter who came to love me like a real Mom. He proved he would miss me when he laid outside my bedroom door in the morning and would come up to me for no reason and paw at me to pet him. Perhaps he was just looking for another treat, but I prefer to believe he was trying to say thank you and goodbye. After all, he is a human in a Doodle’s body!

After ten hours driving home to my Sister’s house on a nice sunny Saturday, I was anticipating seeing the new carpet I chose (already installed), and we planned a get-together with my Realtor the next morning so I could finally get the keys to my new home. We got to visit with our distant Cousin (my Realtor’s husband) and once they left, I drove to my house- about 30 minutes away from my little Sister’s. It was both strange and wonderful pulling in the driveway and pressing that button. The garage door went up and I walked into my empty house alone for the first time.

The carpet was beautiful and my heart felt like it was beating a little faster and a bit harder. I took in a deep breath and said out loud “Welcome to your new life Lorraine!” I walked into every room, which was left spotless and clean. I stood there somewhat in amazement. I could hardly believe what I was able to accomplish and what I had done.

I took care of a dying husband by myself and got him safely home where he was buried with honors in a National cemetery. I took a bit of time to heal and get affairs in order. I then walked away from my beautiful Florida home with a pool and a different life attached. I sold it, packed up everything I had by myself and coordinated a move up the east coast to the Midwest without even knowing for sure where I would end up. I took a chance. I found a condo in a small charming town (just as I like it!) and got approved to buy it. I stored my belongings in a POD and went on a trip to Wisconsin for three weeks. I closed the deal remotely while there, had carpeting laid, and was now standing in the middle of my new house.

If you know my true life story, this moment was surreal and victorious.

The POD would be delivered first thing the next morning. A moving crew would arrive the day after that and deliver my belongings into their new place. The POD would then be picked up the following morning. All the coordinating and three days later- it was all over and I was home. The stress melted away as I started to arrange my life in a new village in a new place with new friends just minutes from family and old friends in all directions.

My new life has begun and there is happiness seeping into my body once again.

I shared sister time. I have been to a beautiful winery a couple of times. I have shared dinners with family. I have gone shopping in anticipation of cooler weather and the beauty of Fall. I now own 3 flannel shirts and several new jeans! I am making plans and living life.

I can’t wait to share some of it with you!

Stay tuned…It’s coming…

They say if you want something bad enough, anything is possible. I was recently put to the test when trying to close on my condo and I’d like to share my experience with you. Hopefully, I can enhance your education on home buying, but if nothing else, I will help you from making the same mistake I made by choosing Truist Bank years ago in Florida. (It started out as BB&T when we opened our account and merged with SunTrust. In 2019 they settled as Truist.)

As most of you know, my Husband passed away in January leaving me behind in our Florida home. With absolutely no family and only a handful of friends there, this quickly became a very lonely existence. Not to mention, the entire work load of a yard and pool were added to my indoor daily tasks. I know you’re not supposed to make life-changing decisions for at least six months to a year, but do you know what it’s like to pull weeds, lay mulch, trim bushes and rake debris in humid 90+ degrees? I was changing underwear 3 times a day for crying out loud before jumping in the shower just to prevent swamp @ss!

So long story short, I made the decision to move back north where my family and life-long friends are before I even found a place to live. I made arrangements to use PODS for moving everything I own so that it could remain stored until the day I need it. They also offer military discount even to surviving spouses, so I also saved a little money.

Luckily for me, I found exactly what I was looking for before I made the move- a three bedroom two bath condo home in a nice community and in my price range. This made moving north more comfortable in my brain knowing I would not be imposing on family indefinitely or having to rent an apartment and make two moves.

I immediately reached out to my mortgage rep and asked how quickly she could get me pre approved so that I could have my sisters go with my northern realtor to see and video the condo. Kathy Morris at Prime Lending assured me that if I quickly got her the info required that I could be approved that same day. I made the call to my realtor and she had the appointment with one of my sisters to see the house the following day. Within twenty four hours I was ready to make an offer over asking price on a condo I only saw through the eyes of my sister. Suddenly, the condo went off market and I was shocked.

My realtor found out that the seller became ill with pneumonia and could not show her place. About a week later (after everyone else in the area also saw it listed), it came back on the market and we were ready to make the offer, but so were many others.

If you are not familiar with an aggressive seller’s market, there is very little chance that an offer will be accepted when you have a house to sell (known as a contingency) or up against an offer with an escalation clause (unless you have plenty of money to join the automatic bidding war), or up against a cash deal (saves everyone time). I lost that condo to a cash deal.

In the meantime, my house in Florida was soon on the market and under contract, and I too, accepted a cash deal with an escalation clause- giving me an over asking price deal. This enhanced my chances to make the next offer stick because I had more cash to put towards a house and a contingency becomes less risky with a set closing date.

The next condo that came up was even better than the first and they accepted my offer. BINGO! I was now orchestrating a move out of one place with a closing in Florida and a trip north to close on another.

This is pretty ordinary, right? People relocate all the time and do exactly the same thing. So what makes my situation any different? Well here’s where it gets a little tricky.

I had an all expenses paid trip planned to Wisconsin long before my house sold to dog sit for great friends, enabling them to sail around the British Virgin Islands (BVI). You don’t cancel something like this if you have integrity and I pride myself on exactly that. I fulfil my commitments. This should not be an issue because they do what is referred to as “remote closings” all the time. A third party Title company or Notary just has to witness you signing your lender closing package and you sign many things electronically on your computer since the days of Covid. My friend in Wisconsin hooked me up with a Title company nearby and that problem was quickly solved. Everyone was onboard.

Before I left Florida, I wrapped up all my financial issues and transferred utilities to the new owners successfully. This included closing a joint checking and savings account I once had with Roger and asking some questions in regards to my closing in Ohio on the new condo. I explained the situation and the banker assured me that a wire transfer would not be a problem. She even explained a few new CD programs that Truist was offering on a 7 month CD at 5% interest that I might like. We exchanged pleasantries and I left my bank for the last time.

I already shared my crazy experiences driving home in the pouring rain in my last blog, so I will fast forward to my closing in Wisconsin.

My friends are now safely traveling to the BVI for a wonderful sailing excursion. I am what I refer to as “Fake Mom” to their golden doodle and getting used to him telling me what he wants me to do. (snickering) He’s a bit spoiled and has already wrapped me around his big paws.

Closing day arrived on Thursday, I entered the address on my phone, and off I go to the Title company. I was a bit early and we started a little before 11:00am. The notary’s name was Shelley and she was a wonderful person. She expressed how she could feel my excitement and very happy for me. After everything was signed before 11:30am, she was required to fax everything to the Ohio title company so they could review and confirm that everything was completed before I left her office. I was handed the wire transfer information and asked Shelley if I could conduct the phone call while in her office in case they had any questions, and I could use her fax for signatures, if needed.

Let the fun begin.

I called Truist and was speaking to a banker (not a teller). She immediately informed me that I would have to physically come in and sign to do the wire transfer. I started to explain to her the situation.

Keep in mind as you’re reading this that I was an Account Executive during my lengthy career. I do not get upset with people on the phone easily because I have dealt with folks on the phone my entire life. Usually, they just don’t understand the situation completely, and simply react before they think. It’s worse, of course, if you have an inexperienced employee on the phone.

Let me share the initial conversation with you to the best of my recollection using the name Michelle for the banker:

“Hi Michelle. My name is Lorraine (last name) and I am at “B” Title Co. in Wisconsin signing closing paperwork for my new home. I have just been handed the wire transfer information and need to speak with the proper person to initiate the transfer of funds.” Michelle says “Oh we can’t do a wire transfer over the phone! You will have to come in and do it in person so we can get your signature.”

I said “Perhaps you can get me to the proper person so I can explain the situation. I am relocating and I have already moved out of the state of Florida. I spoke to…” She interrupts and says “I’m sorry, but anyone you speak to is going to tell you the same thing. We don’t do wire transfers over the phone.” I said “If you would let me explain please, I am sitting in a Title company with a notary and if you fax me whatever form needs my signature, she will notarize it and send it back with two forms of ID. That is why I am calling my Truist branch while I am sitting here with her.” Again, she says “We can’t do a wire transfer without you being here.”

I respond “How can anyone relocate to another state and initiate a wire transfer? Military people do this all the time.” Michelle says “I don’t know about other banks, but Truist’s policy is absolutely no wire transfers unless you’re standing here in person.” I answer “Well that is not what I was told when I was there before I left the state. I am closing on a house in Ohio and was told by a banker in my branch that there would not be a problem. She also informed me that there was no Truist branches anywhere near my future location, but it still could be done.” Michelle responds “Who told you that?” I said “I don’t have her card on me but it’s the girl in the middle cubical that I met with.”

I proceeded to say “Please connect me with someone in a higher position than yours. Is there a manager or supervisor I can speak to?” Her answer was “Yes, but they are going to tell you exactly the same thing as I just told you. You can’t do a wire transfer.”

I get a Supervisor on the phone and start at the very beginning. She agrees that I am in a difficult situation because they don’t do wire transfers on the phone and confirmed there are no locations anywhere near me. I said to her “Are you telling me that I would have to get back to Florida in order to close on a house in Ohio?” Her answer was, “Well, there might be one closer than Florida. Hold on while I check.” She then responds that she found one in Cincinnati and Columbus, OH. I said “Well, I am in Wisconsin and there has to be a better way.”

By the time we went round for round- me searching for solutions and her shooting each and every one down, I was back to square one. She basically told me “I hope your day gets better” and said goodbye.

The Notary also did everything in her power to resolve this now very pathetic situation. She called the Ohio title company to explain the circumstances and they confirmed that they must receive funds by wire transfer only and a check of any sort would not do- even though funds were verified.

I could bore you to tears if I continue with this explanation. It just got worse with everyone I spoke to, each confirming they could not help me. I was at the title company nearly 4 hours and nothing got resolved. My notary hugged me and said “I don’t know how you didn’t lose it with those people. You are very professional.” I thanked her and I drove to my temporary home with tears welling up in my eyes thinking how terribly I was treated by my own bank. A criminal could steal my money more easily than me getting it out of this bank!

I spent the evening emailing and updating everyone involved and seeking solutions to the problem. No one had any. I ended my day with the thought that I will walk away from this deal before I cave in and fly to Florida.

My sister called me and when she learned of the situation offered me assistance. My Florida realtor offered to help if I could appoint her POA (Power of Attorney). But nothing was going to happen that night and I started fresh at it again in the morning after a sleepless night.

I spoke with everyone within my bank that I could (Branch Manager was on her honeymoon, but a banker called all the way to the top). No one would authorize a wire transfer. No one would help me.

With all the suggestions, none of them held up. POA would take too long with many approvals needed. I could not physically get to Florida. They would not accept a verified check. I could not open a new account and pull my money out of Truist and wire from a new bank in time. They would not accept a cashier’s check- nor could I obtain one from a new bank. No one else could pay it without “gifting” me the funds, requiring major changes to the lending paperwork and starting all over costing money. It just went on and on and on.

Finally, I sent an email to all parties involved. I voiced my frustration with all the banking institution’s rules and regulations. Everyone knows I have verified funds. Everyone knew I’d be in Wisconsin. Everyone knows if someone else wires the money that it’s NOT a gift. Everyone knows the deal is going to fall apart and two lives will be negatively impacted. So let’s stop right here and pull our resources together and get this deal done before I am forced to walk away. I firmly but professionally said “I am running out of ideas.” My sister was offering to wire the money for me and I would pay her back. Period.

And so it went down exactly that way. I overnighted a personal check to my sister with proof that it was not a gift and she wired the money. A letter explaining why we did it this way was sent to the Ohio Title company. The wire was received Friday and confirmed by 4pm. End of story.

So….my advice to anyone that made it to the end of this blog without putting a fork in their eye:

Stay away from Truist Bank! They basically held my money hostage and would not let me close on my house. They apologized that the banker that said “it wouldn’t be a problem must have misunderstood your question”. Basically standing behind their employee and leaving their customer stranded up the creek without a paddle! Also leaving a seller without funds for her assisted living arrangement! How dare a bank treat people like this, yet they do all the time!

Sorry, but I digress.

Try to stay positive, as hard as it may be, because you can’t resolve anything by accusing, cussing or blaming when in the middle of negotiations. Everything I said on the phone was true, and I was frustrated at times, but never treated anyone like an idiot- even when I wanted to! I could have walked away and given up, but I didn’t. I have come too far to just give up!

My family and my friends supported me and encouraged me and I never gave up.

The funds transfer Monday and my realtor will get the keys on Tuesday in my absence. I will now be moving into a beautiful condo, and knowing how hard I had to fight for it, will just make it that much sweeter when I do!

A special thanks to my sister and her ex husband for getting the funds transferred and I can’t wait to celebrate when I get home! In the meantime, I am enjoying being Fake Mom to my favorite Doodle dog while my best friends enjoy sailing the BVI.

Sail on my friends…Sail on!

The last time I wrote, I was in a decision-making mode with uncertainty and emotional highs and lows. Hurricanes or snow was the question. A lot has happened since I pondered that decision.

The truth of the matter is; I desired to be around my friends and family more than I needed Florida. Roger and I settled there together and were a “We” instead of a “Me.” It didn’t work for me anymore, and as many of my followers know, I put my house on the market just before the weekend, and it was under contract by that Sunday afternoon.

I put a lot of sweat and tears into the Florida home, but it was getting the usual super hot and humid every day, and I couldn’t help but want to get the hell out of there! I had my air conditioner poop out on me once, and I prayed after getting it fixed, it would outlast my time there and serve the new owners well. It did.

I made all these decisions after getting a very clear message in my head one day- like a bolt of lightning striking me- that the time to sell was now. Everyone tells a Widow that you should not make any major decisions in the first year after losing your spouse. I can certainly understand why people say that, but no one holds the crystal ball, and you have to follow your heart and your gut when it’s yelling at you to do something. I am also stronger than most people because I have stared disaster in the face more than once- and lived to tell. The fact of the matter is, the sellers market in Florida is great and I didn’t want to drag my feet too long. The house and neighborhood turned out to be a great 3 year investment.

I didn’t know where I was going to go on the Ohio end, but I have family that would give me a place to stay and I would store my belongings in a unit while searching for a condo. The demand for Condo homes seems to be very high in just about every place I wanted to live. I missed out on a couple of opportunities, but I wasn’t going to let that stand in the way of my vision. As it turns out in these crazy times, you better have a lot of cash, no contingency and an escalation clause to get what you want. I was starting to look at apartments (just in case), but if you want a nice one, it will cost you every bit the same monthly payment, and usually more than you will pay for a house.

And since I started writing this blog entry, my life became a whirlwind of activity!

I started planning a move on my own and packing soon after the house was under contract. We had downsized once already to go fulltime in our motorhome, but I was amazed at how much we had already accumulated to transform the house into a home. Apparently, all my choices were good ones in staging the house because I got top dollar for it in our neighborhood. Roger had fought me tooth and nail over buying “things” we didn’t need, but spending time in the real estate business years ago and learning dos & don’ts, certainly paid off. The buyer’s agent told me that their buyers chose my house over others because it was beautiful, spotless and move-in ready. They purchased some of my furniture, which enabled me to move with less.

My house closed on June 21st. I signed my paperwork and got on the road directly from the Lawyer’s office. I had packed my car with important items, some last minute stuff, a bit of car food and water. I had no idea that I was about to face a very long, stressful and rainy day.

The fun started about two hours into my trip north. The PODS driver that was picking up my packed POD called me as I was approaching I10. He said “Mrs. Turner- are you home?” I answered “No, I am already en route to I10. Is there something wrong?” He then says “Oh Mrs. Turner, we got a problem! Your POD isn’t locked.” I said “What do you mean it’s not locked? I made sure I put the lock on it before leaving the house.” He said “The lock is on, but I can lift the door right up.” Oh my God! I am about to die on the road! If he had not checked that door, my belongings could have been scattered all over Ocala on the way to the warehouse! Either it was a defective door mechanism, or my defective last-minute haste to get things done!

“Don’t you worry Mrs. Turner. I will call my warehouse supervisor and we’ll get this resolved! You just keep going because you are too far away to do anything about it.”

An hour after this exchange of words and heartfelt emotion, they called to tell me they cut the lock off, locked it properly with a new one and will contact me to find out where to send the new keys. Problem one solved! Thank you PODS.

My next stop for gas would prove to be even more exciting.

I got fuel and parked my car out of the way so I could get a fresh cup of Java. When I returned to my car and pressed the remote to unlock it, I heard nothing. I pressed it again, and still heard nothing. Third time the charm? Nope. Nada! My remote was not working and I can’t get in my locked car.

Oh, but wait! It’s a 2015 and still has a key to insert into the lock, so I shall try this foreign method to enter my car. My car decided it doesn’t like the key and starts the alarm blowing loudly for the guy next to me to give me dirty looks. Well, guess what? The button wouldn’t work to stop the alarm from blaring either. Pressing harder doesn’t help. Eventually, it stopped and my heart was pounding after I sat down in my car and shut the door.

I believed the immediate problem was over, but did you know that inserting your key into the ignition, after what my car believes is an attempted theft, ignites another episode of “let’s piss off everyone” and the alarm started blaring again! I am thinking now that the man sitting in his car next to me fully believes that I am a stupid female that knows nothing about cars.

So I phone a friend. “What should I do?” I asked after laughing hysterically over my dreaded situation. He asked me if I could manually lock and unlock my door with the lock button. Well, I locked it, but now it won’t unlock. I am literally locked in my car like a prisoner now and it’s very warm. I know if I insert the key that I may hear the dreaded alarm again! I said “Oh this is not good!” to which he responded “Start the car and just go! Just take off and go!” This time, the alarm doesn’t go off, but it flashes that an attempted theft has been made on my vehicle.

I am still laughing as I started down the road. My friend called me back after researching the situation and explained that using the car handle twice in a row will unlock the door if it happens again. We both know that my remote battery must have died and now I am faced with a new dilemma. Where is the 2nd remote that I know I packed somewhere in the back of the car, but have no idea at this point- where?!

My next stop results in basically unpacking the back of my car, as I frantically look everywhere for the other remote. Have you ever witnessed this scene during a trip? You stair at what appears to be an idiot searching thru everything they packed into the car, placing items on the ground, and rummaging thru suitcases. It always appeared hilarious to me. NOT anymore. I now know that there just might be a very good reason for such roadside activity. I am usually a very organized person, but this was a last minute attempt to fit everything left in my house into the back of my car with time restraints for an appointment to sign papers downtown. The remote was right where I put it- I just couldn’t remember where that spot was. Finally- success! I now have a working remote for the rest of my trip. My day was filled with heavy rain and several stops to docu-sign last minute items before the closing transfer could take place. I got the email at 6:52pm that my Florida home was no longer my responsibility, as it had transferred and closed. That chapter of my life has ended and a new one officially had begun.

The next day results in a moment I am quite sure many can relate to.

I fueled up near my hotel first thing in the morning. I always place my credit card in my pocket as I fill the tank and immediately return it to my wallet when I get back into the car. But, perhaps I was a bit exhausted after a day of driving in torrential rain and not getting enough sleep in a hotel bed. The credit card remained in my pocket after I returned to my seat.

How do I know this? Because the next time I stopped for a pit stop, I returned to my car to find my American Express gold card face down on the ground next to my car door! It obviously worked it’s way out of my pocket. Oooooops! Close call that could have been a disaster.

I finally made it to my sister’s home, where they were both waiting for my safe arrival. The sense of relief I felt after two long rainy days and fog in many areas, was overwhelming.

I am home!

I now start the process of closing again. This time, I am closing on a wonderful condo home that will enable me to enjoy the freedom of no yardwork, no snow removal, and the ability to walk away when I want to travel and visit friends for awhile.

The process has begun and I am now set to close tomorrow, July 6th, as I sit in Wisconsin dog-sitting for dear friends. It has not been an easy task to organize a closing in a different state than your house is in, but I have figured out in this life that anything is possible if you work hard enough for it. I am about to join the condo world of living- something very new to me, yet I am excited for new adventures and my new life. In the meantime, I am “Mom” to my favorite Doodle, who is adjusting quite well to me. Love, attention and food is all you need with pets…

I sort of feel like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz.

“There’s no place like home.”

Me on the left, little sister on the right before heading out for a wonderful evening with big sister and our niece